Universal Time Index

I was going to write tonight. Got done early with that intent – packages and writing. But also got a UTI a few hours after helping Shanda with hers, so I’m a bit twitchy for any focused activity. I wish I had been symptomatic a few hours earlier, so we could have gotten treated at the same time instead of repeating all the steps a day later.

I did make my morning meeting today though. And did gym for the first time in a while. I even took Dog to a new place for walking while we were out running about for Shanda. Made progress on packing and related activities. We bought supper instead of cooking when our evening plans changed but I think we both did a good job getting stuff done today, even with the disruption.

I’ve got a busy day tomorrow with vision, medical, and therapy appointments in addition to errands, but if I can avoid being too tired I think it will be clam enough. I expect to do essentially none day job so other than moving about town it shouldn’t be too stressful. I think I’ve got to get into the office for a meeting to convince my boss to change tactics with the BZ project later this week, but I’m hoping I can make that a quick 30 before robots in Friday – I have to transfer downtown anyway and it’s only a few more stops to get to the office on the way.

Not sure what therapy is this week. Last week we tried to dig at happy feels from my childhood, but without much success. I can imagine a couple of flashbulb moments where I had a good feeling, but even those make terrible stories because the “good” part is only good in comparison to an even worse status quo. It’s hard to tell a happy story about getting access to public water supplies by being allowed to wander about unsupervised as a 5-year-old. When you tell that story people hear the part where you didn’t have water and didn’t have supervision and they don’t even see the bit you’re having a good feeling about. Even my happy stories are so upsetting for people to hear that they pull away in disgust and fear, never even smelling the feeling I shouted. It’s hard to understand stories as happy when everyone reacts like you just kicked their dog.

Presumably there are better memories in there somewhere, disconnected from my current state. It seems unlikely that I never found bits of joy – actual joy not just relief from pain. But I gave them up along with everything else years ago, and I don’t know how to get them back. I sort of don’t want them back, but I at least need a backstory I can tell people – can tell myself – so I can have normal interactions without making people so uncomfortable.

Talked to DerbyK while I was running around tonight. Ranted about my complicated feels about sewing and costume and clothes and fit, which helped some. Was excited to get interactive attention, both in listening and in the favor I asked for on short notice. It helped in my head and in outside life.

I think that’s all you get for today. Plus some pictures. Figure 1 is Hanna Marks in a look she calls Moody Salad ¹I call this look Moody Salad https://t.co/PYPcZ7eVFn; between the eyes and the blue nails it really calls to me today. And Bree Essrig ²BOO(bs)!!!! Is there anything scarier than the “female” nipple?! I think not! Traditionally on Halloween, people tend to cover their nipples and show literally EVERY OTHER part of their semi-naked bods! I figured I’d reverse that for more TERROR! Enjoy 👻 https://t.co/CtpQqL8M9t, who nails Halloween in figure 2.

ZiB

—
Sent from a phone.

• 

•