Transportation

I got Dog last night, with only a small amount of hassle. We had several wrong instructions about picking him up, and the local staff was a bit pissy at me for issues with their corporate overlords. But I had GPS tracking on his cell phone and so I was able to see where he was and chase him down once he got off the plane. We rode home in an SUV with a local bus driver moonlighting on Uber and chatted about public transportation. That job has provided me more connections to random strangers than any other I’ve ever had. There’s someplace looking for shuttle bus drivers a few blocks from here – I’m seriously considering applying if it’s a thing I could do for just a couple of shifts a week. It might be fun again, for a little while.

Shanda came today, with almost no hassle. Other than the general perils of travel. But you were here and home by like 4 PM. And I got to take Dog to meet you at the train, which I think was a good surprise for both of you. I really like living someplace where many things are within walking – and therefore withing Dog’ing – distance. It’s definitely a change we will make next time we move. Even if it means we can’t have a spare bedroom.

Once everyone was here I was finally able to relax for a couple of hours. I’m still short on sleep and have 1000 things in my list, but it’s nice to be back to the usual stress levels instead of the panic levels I had been at. Even got to watch an episode of Bob’s Burgers and House of Cards. I love how on the nose that show can be when it responds to a complicated supposedly political discussion with someone just directly addressing the underlying emotional exchange as the main issue. Also the sets are amazing, and all the careful hair and costumes. It’s such deliberate storytelling all around. Which is good because the technical plot is nonsense. But today foreshadowed violence and the pregnant statue – not to mention their [necessitated by real life but used as an opportunity] use of silence to make us focus on the feels. Better Call Saul is better at silence in general (and perhaps the prettiest show in recent memory) but House of Cards was real good today.

M reached out today, even though you were still recovering from a whole series of recent attacks and disappointments and other upsetting situations. Which really helped a lot with one of my fears. I know it was hard for you and I’m so glad you did it anyway. I hope it was useful to you; it feels a lot like safety to me. The sort of safety I have lacked my whole life and that you often help me find.

Washed all the new dishes again. I could use a week when no kitchen goods show up. Regular dishwashing is enough work and there keep being boxes of new things to be unpacked and cleaned and homes found for. I like owning dishes – particularly after recently not owning dishes – but they’d be much better if they came with free installation.

Got to see M’s gift from E. I knew it was a home-built light box but hadn’t seen it yet – I like it. M turned it on while staring right at it from inches away, which was not a great plan, but it seemed to be well received anyway. And I love the look that combines smooth formed plastic with home-spun goodness. I forgot to give M the hug* V sent, but I’ll get that tomorrow.

Got to have in person This Screed In Review with Shanda. We do it remotely by phone in other weeks but it’s sometimes hard to get the same sort of undivided attention I can in person, and certainly harder to read emotions. I even got M to sit nearby and participate, which helps me feel safe and cared about. My brain tells me that anything that is good for me must be bad for others, but I hope this was okay for you too.

ZiB

*Technically this violates the no touching rule, but I’ve been trying to phase out that rule, and to understand what other people do with touch. Historically what I do is avoid giving any touch and attempt to avoid ever getting anyway. But I’m working on it. I’ve got reducing my startle response on my list of therapy goals. Not just with this therapist but back to August when I first sent a lisr.

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Sent from a phone.