Thursday
Progress today on many fronts. Looking for housing and talked with M about what you out of that. Started working on the appeal. Got rid of one of the people in the house. Got back to my day job. Told people I would be gone until December. Thought about how I’m going to pay for all of this. Made plans about ditching the house. Found a context to write to BC in. And got some really cute pictures of Dog.
Still lots of managing other people’s emotions. And lots of self-imposed isolation to keep from having to do so. Some ridiculous interplay wherein someone wants to use my patriarcal role for harm but doesn’t actually care what I say. It’s all in the realm of what I can tolerate – and what M is used to – but it’s a thing that could have ended today* but will keep going through Monday.
M and I are mostly aligned on housing. At least enough that we can keep plugging along at it. Our mutual damage gives us both the same problem of not being able to believe that the other person wants our help. It’s not something we have to work out today but it would make us both more secure if we figured out how to feel like we’re on the same side of a shared problem instead of cowering on opposite sides of two different ones.
Shitty absentee landlords and the other abuses that we heap on to young people – not even just minors – are making me salty. We hand certain kinds of abuse out to like candy because fuck young peope I guess. The school did it, landlords do it, everyone tolerates it, and there’s no legally sound reason to ignore the crimes – it’s just something we allow to happen.
Talked with Shanda about how we’re both going to cope. It’s all the normal stress of moving and travel and shitty families and spending money plus the stress of doing it seperately and during a crisis. Of being alone more than we’re used to and not having all the care we usually get from each other. I’m in a house full of people but still mostly alone; you’re actually alone but with better access to your other resources. But I feel like we’re making progress on adjusting our lives to match our reality, and communicating well enough to keep it pointed in the right direction.
ZiB
*For that matter it’s a thing that could have ended 20 years ago and never happened today. That we’ve taken steps to ensure won’t accidentally happen again. But I’ll settle for Monday so long as it eventually ends.
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Sent from a phone.
