Thruple Thursday
I’m having mixed feelings about paying for another month of Melissa’s medical insurance. She’s technically still employed and insured by her job from 2016. They haven’t assigned her any duties. They likely never will, given the circumstances of her departure, so if she pays $100/month to cover her share of the insurance cost she gets decent, cheap coverage, potentially for a long time. When she was getting LTD they took the premium out of that, but she screwed that LTD by taking other full-time work. She’s still covered but now has to pay in that $100 and hasn’t been doing so.
I wish she would keep that insurance current because it’s better than Medicare and could be a source of security. But she can’t even talk about it in terms other than hopelessness so I have no confidence she’ll ever be able to do it reliably, even if she had the money. I’m not willing to get her bills about it forever and hassle her about it only to have her lie to me most months about paying it until it was an emergency. So I guess I’m resolved in action even if I’m unresolved about how that action feels like letting her inch closer to death.
I got this set up today [fig 1, 2]. A few more duplicates than I’d like and far too much pink, but I’m excited to have a big set and whole side of metalics.
Chatted with DerbyK about the way social support contributes not just to security but to self direction. And the way I’m not sure I can burden others with the abyss that is the angry sadness of my past. Historically I’ve been okay with just being dissociated about it, but that’s a terrible long term strategy. And the thing I’m afraid of is abuse that mostly ended long ago, not the way people I care about will react.
Chatted with M about the imposed social roles and events and their impact on self identity. The obligations they create and their resilience against attempts at regulation. About the pain that’s caused merely by insisting a thing is true but not bothering to make it so. And about perfection.
Accomplished most of my day job, mostly without feeling too taxed. I’ve got one SR for tomorrow, and I’m still avoiding the SSH bug, but otherwise everything is on schedule. I still need to write up the robot volunteer sheets and maybe consider how I’m going to sell it for 4 minutes before I have to vamp for 20, but I’m sure I’ll be able to both if those off until I’m in the car on the way to robots.
B has been having a hard time lately, on a broad variety of slow moving issues. It’s got them a bit hopeless and triggers their fear that they are to big a burden to demand full-time relationships from others§. So Shanda has been anxious about trying to make things better for them, and helping them feel safer. Which is fine, but it also made passive and distracted the order of the day. I think we’ve wrestled back enough control to make the next 24 hours work; she’s gonna take tomorrow off to have time to deal with actual life. Though that makes me wish someone would wrangle Shanda for me when I need help and she is too anxious to plan.
Finished Casual (Hulu). That show is so carefully structured and I love it. Plus the jokes, professional jokes. I’m sad the series is done but I’m glad they demanded it technically be a family sitcom even though their story is literally about orphans learning how sharing and independence can be positively correlated.
Finally, a homework assignment** for everyone. There was a calendar event this week that M was assigned a role in, and you’re not super happy with the social impact it had. Send me something I can forward to her* to help make it feel better. One of the things I sent is a wake up dog pile [fig 3]. The goal of this exercise is merely to demonstrate the breadth of social support available via nonfamilial sharing, so the only wrong answer is to not participate.
ZiB
*Technically you can just mail screed@isbach.com to reach everyone, but I’m assuming most people here prefer to remain anonymous. I can also accept physical items for forwarding at my usual Seattle mailing address.
**Homework for your friends always seems like a stupid plan to me when I say it, but it continues to have good success rates. Would recommend. With obvious caveats for Dave.
§Which is not quite how Shanda would describe one of her own big fears, but it’s definitely compatible. I feel like it’s a fear I could relate to as well, but Shanda doesn’t seem to feel that way.
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Sent from a phone.
