The Value of Endings
Worked with Shanda today on the value of endings. It’s a raw topic but worth the pain. It can be easy to imagine that what you want is for nothing to change, to complete, to be lost. But you want change, because anything else is hopeless. And so you want things to be done, and to be lost. Not because you no longer care but because you want to see it become something different and maybe better.
Talked with @Yana about the scale of art and Canada and children and college. They said they think of us as pen pals. When I was young none of my pen pals ever wrote back. They still don’t. But I’m excited that Yana likes talking with me. I think they like that I can smell feels from self talk, and that I can respond in the form of an art challenge.
Got all the sheets and rugs and dog blankets and pillow cases and whatnot washed. Trash and compost out, dishes done. Got the power supply going during art time today and should have the disks back to full redundancy by tomorrow. Shanda got some scissor time after a goodly while of being afraid, and started making improvements to your wardrobe and mood. I had ideas for an art mail heist, that might let me practice sewing as shared art and not clothes. And I maybe had ideas for how to have a different job at F5.
Heard that you had real support for regular life last week. That sounds great to me. I’m glad you’ve got something that makes you actually feel relieved, and that it doesn’t feel bad to want it or use it. I hope this coming week requires less diligence on your part, and gives you a less high stakes opportunity to practice adjusting your schedule to match your changing capabilities and needs.
I’m trying to heist J into doing a thing that will make robots better empower J against a form of authority that makes them feel incapable or improperly credentialed or unprepared or otherwise weak. It will be some work, but not on a schedule – and it think it could be good for them. I’m trying to help Shanda with a similar heist, helping you feel empowered against parents of 11 year olds. You felt very weak against and dependent on yours, while they offered too many demands and not enough help. But I can help you Mr. Rogers at them in public places, and feel like you get to control them, and don’t need their care.
I want to come up with a way to empower you too, once I figure out what might help. You don’t need authority, though you could use help letting go of credentials. Eventually you might want parents but not right now. I guess I’d like to help you feel like there’s a third path beyond being alone and compliance with an organization – there’s a way to work with people that isn’t based on rules and roles, and it can be more impactful than any version of toil within an old club. I’m not sure yet where you’d be able to see that power, much less where you’d feel safe enough to use it. But I’m working on it.
ZiB
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Sent from a phone.
