Shapes and Colors

Here’s a shape these had before – not all the time, but often enough – a moral ¹Themes, too, were a shape these once had. 8 small takes on the same topic, or a series of big ones that integrate into a single, complicated feel.. Something that lets me tell a short story about a feeling and then use it to frame facts of my recent life.

As people familar with Capitalism will know, my last landlord was terrible and incompetent and owes me money. They’re now at the stage where they want me to listen to their bad feelings about how they are such bad landlords that they broke several laws. They are surprised to learn that, now that my survival does not depend on them, I display less satisfaction without our relationship. But I arranged this situation to ensure that I do not need to present myself for their lesson in “respect” or to manage their bad feelings. They will send me a check before the 21st or our next contact will be via small claims service for 3x the amount ²Demand letter linked above. So I’m pretty stoked as an individual. I love making rich dickbags feel bad for their own behavior.

On a social level though, it’s hard to ignore the self-enforcement requirements for many laws. Even here, where I’m in a good enough position to deal with my landlord’s unlawful behavior, the burden is still on me, and the relief offered is through civil court, not through law enforcement. Like wage theft and all sorts of other “white collar” crime it’s up to victims to mount their own investigation and prosecution. If you take personal property from a White person the cops get to shoot your dog and arrest you. If a corporation takes the personal property of employees – if their theft threatens the survival and wellbeing of millions – there is no state support available. Cops for hurting Black people (and poor people, and many others), not investigating crime.

I can see how this Topic could be a whole Shape. One I want to write about. I can also see how, after several days of abortive attempts, I’m still not in any condition to find it. There’s another shape for these. Something that lets me so digging without knowing what I need to find.

I’ve been watching @BPS repeatedly struggle at process for a piece ³Pandemic Papers. Which isn’t published yet but you can see some of the finished components here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CGD8NDBhTHS/ It’s selected newspaper bits assembled into a canvas and painted abstractly with temporally-related themes. It will be something more later, but it’s pretty good right now. they’ve been working at for months. For a piece they’ve actually painted huge amounts of, and have iterated and expanded for months. But somehow a piece they still struggle to start work on many weeks. Somehow a piece they imagine they can’t see the shape of, despite months of completed work building a whole series of paintings.

I used to do that here. That’s another shape I need. One that helps me find hmthe shape. Or at least one that makes me better able to keep working even when I’m still waiting for the shape to find me.

I can feel the shape that lets me scream, but that’s not exactly what I need. @BPS has been using the existence of others to manipulate their brain and make the going easier. That’s closer but still not the shape I need today. It is one worth practicing though, and conveniently one that @BPS will do with me.

The lump I’m sitting on today is shaped in part by me giving up the parts of day job I had been holding and not having a lot of luck finding new things to hold up that shape. I need to redefine work in a way that’s not just an old scam I hate. That part I can do, though I have been reluctant of late. The part I don’t have is making that move self-supporting. I still don’t have the spoons to spend emotional energy on the day job, so it needs to hold itself up while I get the rest of my spoons in line.

Let’s start by trying to find ebough time for arts again. Let’s start by trying to find remember the parts that were eaiser in the before time. Before COVID, before eviction, before dying Dog, before all the meds, before a 30 minute status meeting inspired such dread.

And let’s start that by doing the groceries and the laundry and trying to get Shanda on my side about this instead if against me.

ZiB

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Sent from a phone.

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