#ScrippsIsAVeryGoodCompany
Did my MBOs on time, closed the most urgent SR, closed the Keyczar nonsense, closed the active FTP tantrum. Didn’t get anything else done at the day job, but that was good progress. If I can close another SR or two tomorrow that should be sufficient for the week.
Got some cape enhancements done. The back is split now to let me actually move my arms in it, I added the closure chain back, and there are v0.4 wings [vid 1]. Tomorrow is balloon design; I’ve got a couple good ideas, depending on what I can make (literally) fly.
I let my therapist in on a heist today and they were surprised by the scale. Which I guess is complimentary – they seemed impressed – but mostly feels like no one sees me. Or it feels like when I was labeled “gifted” or similar bullshit, and I’m sort of expecting the punishment that used to come after that distinction. Or it feels like I don’t know how other people plan their lives. There’s maybe more story there but not tonight.
Figured out that one of the reasons I can’t relate to Ben properly is because I can’t relate to someone so hopeless that the idea of general care seems inaccessible – threatening even – because most people can’t help. Often they are condescending, but even when they’re empathetic they often can’t really help. I didn’t know how to have hope when I lived that life at 11. It’s still hard for me to relate to someone in that life. It’s hard for someone there to be related to. But I see the shape of it more clearly now, so maybe I can do something different. And I see how the same feel affects me, like when I need to flee from medical supervision once the agreed upon procedure is done. What I get afterwards doesn’t feel like care, it feels like being trapped, because I don’t believe that most people can help, no matter their intentions or training.
Talked with Shanda about being okay being upset, and about letting all the feels leak out while regular life happens. Practiced and planned for a heist, one we’ll have to practice many times again, until it feels actually safe. Had feels about spoons and cornbread and meal improv and car trips.
No calls today but a real plan for one tomorrow, and step next of my persistance for the other. Plus HA4H, where I’m going to try to get to the warm liquid goo phase for the pendant. Those bits, the balloons, and the day job should keep me pretty busy.
ZiB
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Sent from a phone.
