Rolling Rapters
Dog is doing well. Better than before he was in the hospital honestly, at least in terms of pain and interest in play. So maybe that spleen was really slowing him down. We’re still waiting to talk to someone about his extra cancer – appointment on Thursday.
DerbyK is doing well too, deciding to ask other people to believe in their fantasy. Frustrated perhaps by the global death in terms of specific plans, but only delayed not denied. I know you’ll have to think small for the first round but I have ideas for how to do round 2.
M isn’t as well, which is always sad. Good job putting up with the pain while you try to do something hard to improve your life. I hope the hard part is temporary and the improvement more sustainable. And I hope you continue to find space for yourself.
I did this the other day [fig 1]. I have been doing better at caring about my haircut since the global death made home haircuts cool again. For a long time I didn’t want to, because it felt like survival to me, and because I convinced myself I could only use shitty equipment. But now I own decent tools and find it pretty easy to cut my hair again. I still can’t grow it, but at least now it feels like I can cut and color it.
I dropped off gifts for robot seniors last week, and got to see most of them in person. I constructed a family art heist and then delivered copies of it with a giant helium balloon and a sealed bag of sockets and some candy. It makes sense in context. Or at least as much sense as I intended it to.
That trip also gave me a car full of helium and the opportunity to stop by L’s. They weren’t around – apparently soccer is going again – but I left a balloon and got to meet a tiny dog. I wish I would have prepared to advance one of my social heists but I didn’t think of interactions until we were en route, and I wasn’t quick enough to cook one up on the spot.
The house is still Capitalizing. We’re at the stage where everyone has touched the balloon and we’re just waiting for the music to stop before we’re finally allowed to sit down. For some reason this process also requires in-person manual autographs, even during a pandemic – that’s happening next week so hopefully we’ll be done soon afterward. Or at least on to the actual moving part, and out of this place.
I was on the queue this week and grabbed 2 more SRs, but did not even look at them (or any others) all week, for at least the second week in a row. That’s not great, but I’m solid on all other work and no one has complained yet, so things are still tolerable. I do super hope I can find time for SRs next week though, and start climbing back out of this hole.
The first day of textbook therapy went fairly well. It still seems plenty intimidating to my therapist, but they did better than I feared, and I am hopeful things will improve with some practice. It’s useful for me to have a reference book to provide a third non-reactive perspective (and pysch taxonomy) when my therapist isn’t quite tracking. Professionals hate it when you train them, but you get better professionals when you do.
Sometimes it feels like my whole life is Shands being upset with your childhood scarcity and pointing your triggered feels at me. Really it’s just like the last few weeks on high and the last 20 years on simmering resentment. I know you feel threatened by the idea of not hoarding everything you’ve ever touched all in one pile. That’s a reasonable response to your life. But it’s a shitty way to live, an impossible way to move, and not my fucking fault. I’m not your traumatic childhood, I’m not your parents and we can be on the same side.
There is an external armed force gathering in my city – in addition to the usual police terrorists – denying residents use of the space and physically fortifying their positions in preparation for violence. They’re not doing this in secret, they’re openly threatening us with it, stating their intent to incite violent conflict against the public in the immediate future. For some people that might be enough reason to slash every minivan tire in the local rental fleet or to burn down the invasion headquarters. But probably murder would be more effective, if we pointed it at the right people. Imagine if we simply shot any empowered official who stated their clear intent to get violate the law with an abuse of their power.
One paragraph per topic. Mostly a list of things other people did. That’s probably the right speed for this week.
ZiB
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Sent from a phone.
