Riscrede

Because we had some disconnection I wanted to offer reassurance. I don’t feel like there is a problem but I would like to make myself transparent so that it feels safe and easy to reconnect

I feel like your job is going okay. At least that’s how you last talked to me about it. I don’t think you are a person who would be better if you quit. I know it was hard for a minute with funding cuts but I felt like you were mostly satisfied with how things are at present, and planning around a future with a definite end date

The idea that your work is too demanding has not been much on my mind, at least not since you have been doing paid work. I have seen you make careful efforts to be sure you aren’t giving away your attention just because you are interested in and focused on your work or other external efforts

Even if I did think work might be too much – say if you did break your arm and really couldn’t not drive at all, struggled to type and sit upright without pain, and didn’t feel healthy and safe being on the computer all day

Even in that case I would still not think be about leaving your job. I would be thinking about one-handed keyboards, or a temporary leave or reduced hours, or someone to scribe for you, or other accommodations. I would imagine that you would want to keep doing as much work as suits you, in a way that’s safe and meets your needs

Also if you ever wanted it, you could be a person who quits any job. I quit. Shanda is quitting. Micheal may need to quit to move with you. It’s fine that you don’t want to, and I don’t have any reason to think you should. But it is allowed if a future you ever did want to for some future reason. It is scary, but not impossible

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I am sorry to lead you to a framing of reducing or removing or restricting. That’s not a story I believe and not one I want to make you feel pressed by

I imagine a lot of stories that are about building new tools so that we (I) can be better people. I imagine stories where present us “can’t” for some systemic reason, but where a future us perhaps could have a new system with different restrictions

In these stories there is a period in which things feel dangerous, chaotic – revolutionary. There is a period in which the old system is being dismantled and a new one has not yet been built

Or more specifically there is a period in which the people from the old system – including the revolutionaries – need to rebuild themselves into people who can inhabit this new world

There are versions of this story where that building is about throwing away or giving up or loss. Lots of stories are about giving up things that are bad for us, or that keep us from our goals

But there are many versions of that story where those people get to pick out the parts they liked from their past lives and bring those valuable pieces into the life future self builds. Where the story isn’t escape from the past or a reaction to injustice, it’s just the restoration of balance and peace to a place where they had been lost

I don’t imagine stories for you that demand more sacrifice, more restriction, or more patience. I think those things have already been demanded of you in great excess

But I do imagine that you might value the opportunity to rebuild the things you want to keep. I imagine that you have many things that you want to keep, and a life that often made it hard to keep anything. And I imagine that you can build those precious things into a future that feels functional and safe

ZiB