Perfect Function

It’s not that I used to find these easier to write. It’s not that I can’t be person who writes. It’s that I used to burn pain to fuel them. It was always hard.

But there are still things to write.

It’s okay if the first time trying a hard thing alone didn’t go perfectly. It’s okay that it was stressful, that you didn’t get the outcome you hoped for, that you decided to stop because it felt like too much. It’s okay to need some space, to need support, to need a different approach. There are good reasons it’s hard and it’s okay to be daunted them.

It’s okay that I am excited by writing – that I remember it being good and fun – and that I don’t want to do it. I’m told it’s okay for me to have preferences that I don’t actively undertake and constantly protect, though I’m not yet sure I believe that.

@BPS was excited to think about how video was fun in the past – was fun to play with now – even while they felt the weight of their old pace and enthusiasm.

I do want burn pain sometimes. I need to burn some just to keep up. But I shouldn’t confuse the energy from those flames with being someplace pleasant. I need space for things I actually like, separate from function and survival.

For those keeping score, my depression is high, my function is medium, I have a new Dog, I’m back after 6 weeks in Ohio, and it’s very hot here.

ZiB

—
Sent from a phone.

• 

• 

• 

•