I was considering the ever-evolving dynamics of Zach-Shanda relations, specifically the kind and amount of attention we pay each other, and how invisible my emotions can be to her. Which eventually revealed to me something I am misunderstanding – my threshold for when I feel like my emotions are overwhelming my behavior is when someone carefully observing me might be able to see my actual emotional state and not the one I choose to display as part of my intentional communication, should I consciously choose to have them differ. Which is technically correct. That’s the point at which my emotions overcome my conscious will and change what I am doing…

Brought my laptop in for the keyboard issue. I get a free replacement but it takes 5 days. I’m gonna have them do the battery too while it’s in, and then it might be in good enough shape to give away when I replace it. KTuck has my last machine and might want this one as his replacement. Mostly didn’t work today. I’m gonna see about the bug workflow presentation tonight (on Shanda’s machine I guess, for fear my desktop will burst into flames) but otherwise I only did email. It gives the appearance of work without the need to actually do any. Chicken and rice tonight. One of my…

Hot dogs today. I am a big fan of good chilli dogs and real sugar root beer. Sometimes Diggity Dog will deliver one to me. I intend to make today one of those days. Watched MindGamers (2015). Bought it because it had Dominique Tipper in it. The movie is high on style but that’s about it. There’s too much bad science exposition for things that don’t go anywhere, like someone trying to yell their philosophy but as technobabble. But it’s not terrible or overly long, and it does like it’s music and crane shots. Dominique’s hair was terrible though – she had front bangs and side bangs and all three…

I was thinking about how I don’t like writing. Or at least how I feel like I won’t like it. Certainly there are many kinds of writing I hate. I’m super glad I tested out of composition classes in undergrad, both now and at the time. And writing formal research papers can make me hate life. But I wrote at total of 1600 words yesterday to 3 different people* and was reasonably happy with all of it, and glad to spend part of my day doing it. So clearly I’m wrong. I’ll have to imagine it differently. Watched Dr. Strange (2016). Not bad for a tired superhero film. It suffers…

Shanda slept super late today. Late enough that I did morning dog. But she seems to be doing better today. Less body pain, and a better mood to match. Got projects done, took the dog for an early walk, even opened the mail (which she almost never does). I hope that bodes well for the weekend. Talked to M again for a minute. Then sent 200 questions via email because I can’t stop talking but don’t want to bother them. Dave talked at me too, several times even, but not interactively. He doesn’t get 200 questions because I don’t even know enough to guess what to ask. And I already…

We did recover, Shanda and I, from the bad times yesterday. We agreed there were places she could have taken the control she felt was lacking, and that it was possible to talk about such things without so much desperation on either side. We also got to talk more about the ways Shanda wants to understand her relationships, romantic and otherwise. I’ve never been as attached to externally defined roles as she has been, so while polyamory feels like the default to me it’s still sometimes an impedance mismatch when we’re talking about how the whole thing is shaped – I feel like she isn’t always careful about the difference…

It’s been one week1Two weeks in fact, but only one in Canada, which is all the excuse I need for a @BNL reference. Apple put it on an OS installer CD without any such excuse, so my usage feels pretty safe. since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said you were defrauding your employer as part of a plan to visit me. Is that actually happening or has your scheme been foiled by implacable corporate processes? Turns out Dave’s not coming, but I didn’t know that this morning and I’m not gonna let it dissuade me from my already composed text. I’m am disappointed though.…

I’m back in tacos today, which is a nice way to start the week. And upon arriving at the office I found a new food truck [fig 1]. While the humble hog may not be as versatile a fruit as the noble taco I am very happy to have had a cuban, and to have possibly started a new food truck relationship. Tomorrow there might be fried chicken, which is enough reason to go in for an hour, and if I go into the office two days in a row I don’t have to go on the third**. So everything is coming up Milhouse. I’m gonna take this first day…

Last lazy day. I’m reluctant to go back to work tomorrow but I’ve arranged to only have a 3 day week before another long weekend and 4 day week after that, so I can ease myself back toward the idea of being employed under late stage capitalism. Shanda’s alrest back to work today but I took an extra day to make the calendar better. In any case, I’ve arranged for a restful and enjoyable last day today, with fairly good results. Got the package compiled, compressed, and shipped. I almost told a different story here but I liked the version where I was done better, so I stopped writing and…

Started season 4 of Killjoys. I really love the John-Dutch dynamic**. The series plays as heist/action road show — makes me think of The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., for example. I’m also a big fan of the characters visual esthetic, like when Hannah John-Kamen is about 45% hair by volume or the bartender comes out with a bald head and glitter eyebrows and it’s only moderately ridiculous given his history. Also everyone on the show is pretty even by TV standards. It’s like if a CW show had some interest in storytelling. Shanda has been distracted all day today. And tense. I presume she’s anxious about going back to…