Made my morning meeting. I wasn’t sure that was going to happen when I went to sleep last night, but it worked out fine. Skipped the noon meeting but I’m okay with only doing one team meeting per day, and I wanted a minute to see Shanda before she left. Got my email and whatnot done, and there were no new SRs another than the one I sent up yesterday. No meetings at all tomorrow, which is always great. I might connect to the brownbag at noon for extra credit but that likely won’t require that I come off mute. I had a hard time getting to SR work this…

Did no SR work today. Also nothing new in the queue, though I did refer a bug so I’m sure that will pop up tomorrow or Wednesday. Got good work done on other bits though – release notes and KI data and email and whatnot are all up to date. And I got to my meetings. So I’m gonna call it a win even though I only did some of the bits. Gym’d today. My back is doing pretty well, if a bit weak. But it was easy enough to do all the work I wanted to without risk of reinjury. E payed attention to me and made me uncomfortable,…

The house is back to normal population levels today. Which is both a direct relief for me and likely to improve Shanda’s mood. And hopefully it will make Dog stop hiding in the basement. He’s been sleeping down there in the old office and trying hard not to notice anything – he doesn’t respond to people moving around or to calls. Maybe he and I can both get some normal sleep again. D&D today with C. Made a super bad impression on the town leadership. Then ruined their road while showing off. But they did like us murdering dragons and goblins for them. And I got a Tumor Familar in…

A bit of required reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPOZzYlxh04&t=10m0s From the 10 minute mark, to about the 18 minutes where he starts to talk a out the next topic – grounding. If you identify with complex trauma or CPTSD symptoms I would recommend you watch the rest 1You can still skip the first 10 minutes – it’s not very relevant if you haven’t watched the last 7 videos. If you do watch the rest be prepared for a bit of corporate schilling for his religious employer, including a line of product placement and a prayer at the very end. You might note the way he distinguishes between … Continue reading too, but at least…

Sick today. Starting early in the morning. Stayed in bed until afternoon, and most of the time in lights out mode, though it was difficult to sleep with everyone around. Felt better in the afternoon but still not great. It kept me from doing any work and would have kept me from robots if there was a meeting. I did go out with Shanda and pals in the evening, though. We went out to supper, where I sort of ate, and then sat around for a couple of hours waiting for a laser show. Eventually I ditched and went home so I could sit someplace quiet and be tired on…

Today was tough for Shanda, particularly once more people showed up at our house. You spent the last week claiming that you weren’t going to change your schedule to accommodate the extra demands on your time, and that was still your plan today even though you felt stressed about being busy. And you were still trying to do it alone. It wasn’t great. But eventually you decided that taking care of yourself would make it easier to achieve your other goals and started making some changes. It took until pretty later for feeling better to make the top of the priority list, but late is better than never. And maybe…

Got the kitchen light updated. Ballast bypassed and LEDs installed. I even labeled it to deter future misuse now that it won’t work with fluorescent bulbs. Now that I’ve got 5K color temperatures in most of the house I don’t know how people dealt with those old burny-colored things. Or why they complained about fluorescents at 4.1K, which are already so much better. I’m all for colored light but not without control. In any case, a win for a lazy day project that makes my life better and didn’t take too long. Got Dog a new toy. Pure squeak. He likes to pluck feathers but combined fuzzy/squeak toys necessarily have…

High anxiety today. I was grinding my teeth last night and was not feeling well this morning. I got work going because that was at the top of my list but it was difficult to concentrate against the noise of my brain. I did get Dog fed and out before 11 but didn’t accomplish my noon meeting. I’ve had a lunch plan since last night but could not make it happen before I left for work at 2. Spent a long time on the bus, my first time going to the new office. In many ways it’s nice to be downtown but the extra bus time isn’t one of them…

The last one of these was not done when I clicked send. It didn’t even have a title. But I changed my mind after it sent. These are all unfinished and some days they should be only the first thing my brain is yelling about when I go to bed. I did have a hard time with name day things. Made harder because I’ve been trying to mitigate that outcome for weeks but it feels like I wasn’t able to make any difference. Like I have to keep very low expectations for it getting better. Also hard because the parts I was hoping to do and maybe like – things…

So I did name day things today. It was not great. I could not get any relevant support from Shanda, despite weeks of preparation. I don’t mean to lean so hard on you, but it is a thing I do need help with, and I don’t know how to get. When I fell through from anxious to sad you did see me, but it would have been nice to get help with anxiety and not just hopelessness. It would have been nice to not include hopeless in the day at all. I got better social support than I expected, which was nice. I only felt like I was being a…