I am having a lot of trouble organizing my clothes. I missed that day of class – the one where you had clothes or a place to store them other than your body. I know most young people have access to drawers – even the foster care checklist requires young people to have their own storage area suitable for clothes – but I missed it nonetheless. When I was young I stored my clothes folded and stacked on the floor near my bed. Which was fine because I didn’t have many. I got a dresser when I was like 10 but didn’t have much to go in it. When Mother…

There was no D&D today – C is out of town and Shanda had to help B in the middle of the afternoon – but our GM came over anyway. They recently got a job, which is good, and gives them something to talk about. Along with an inch of sympathy for the plight of the working human. And they came today with a cell phone in a giant pouch strapped to their forearm. It looks like a god dammed wrist brace. But they’re real afraid of cell phones and this makes it feel better for them (or at least that’s what they’d say). I made the. consider Eastshade 1in…

The day job was slightly terrifying today for a minute, when 6 new SRs came in, including several with 13 subcompoents. But I got to dispatch 5 of them and the remaining one is basically done already. So things are okay. The bug one is still happening but I got through all the requests about it so it’s getting better. Got through the release stuff for this week and I’m off the queue next week. Still holding some SRs but I should be able to burn them down in a couple of days next week. I learned long ago how to make myself do a thing, even when it seems…

I took Shanda and Dog to the park in a car on Wednesday, so you could get out of the house for a while even with her bad ankle. And to let you play outside with Dog. Turns out we are not super prepared to leave the house with Dog and dog-related supplies, at least not outside the context of worn equipment. I’ll have to fix that, to make future trips easier for everyone. But I think it went well, and that it helped you feel cared for while you’re injured. Here’s another therapy fact I learned – there are two categories of care I didn’t get when I was…

Did LI about early childhood in therapy. Which was tough for a lot of reasons. LI is often a lot of work in trying to generate and stick with a terrible feeling so that you can have it while you learn to tell a different story about it. Which I need for being an infant, because my current story is incompatible with being a happy human. Before we even started my therapist was trying to explain the process and talked about imagining myself as a “sweet baby” or various other terms intended to reflect the fact that essentially no condition or behavior of infants is unacceptable. But my brain doesn’t…

Watched the finale of Veep (HBO) S07E07 “Veep”. It includes such gems as “Right now, every Sunday pundit and poli-sci major is treating this brokered convention like it’s a big-titted college gymnast whose daddy fucked with her just enough that she’ll do some dirty shit, but she can still cum.” I expected that she’d wind up back as Veep, so the series could punish her ambition with some manufactured symmetry. But it was one step better and saw her get what she wanted but actually regret being alone — even just for one second — after pushing away everyone who could put up with her. It showed her daughter not…

Today was more work than I had hoped. More stress than was useful to me. It got better eventually, but I was pretty unhappy in the middle. And I only got like half of what I wanted done. My research SR blew up over the weekend. The submitter announced a talk at Blackhat about the issue. Except not really, since what they described to us is significantly different than what is described in the talk summary. The talk isn’t until August so it might be a while before I know what they actually found, if anything. I’m not too attached to the actual vulnerability but I got roped into the…

I intended to write today but life happened. I’m still gonna do the 10 minute version though, so I don’t feel like I’m behind tomorrow. These are easier daily and I am allowed to revisit things that still have my attention. M talked to me a bunch today. Interactively and about feels and carrying a topic from yesterday. It’s sort of a big change. I have only half processed it, but it really made me feel good. And hopeful. I am slightly worried that saying so will apply pressure that makes it seem less safe, and that I won’t ever get more, but I’m gonna risk it because I’m happy…

This feels hard to get going. It has already been too long, which fights against my process, and I’ve been tired, which makes delay seem desirable. It’s often tricky to continue after I write a feel that takes more than a day, or more than a Screed. I try to remember iteration is the goal, but even that can seem too big. Let’s see what we I can do though, before I’m off to sleep, so that tomorrow I’m at least moving again. The day job went okay last week. I’m down to two SRs, and only one of those is a hassle. I’m on the queue again next week…

Did therapy on Wednesday. As you saw I spent the week sort of trying to fit my feels into a situation I could address with LI. I did not find that feel before we my session but I did get there eventually and then did therapy at it 1If you’re in therapy dealing with trauma and you haven’t talked about EMDR or LI or some other ego state integration process, do. It’s low risk and widely effective for many types of trauma, and it works quickly. It’s also very methodical – you can pick a feeling and sort of just turn the crank to make it go. Not that … Continue…