Weird day at robots. There was a very specific goal that T wanted to meet, much more specific than was required for success at robotting. In persuit of it they did many useful things, but they also let it consume them, as they made perfect the enemy of good. I’m not stressed about it, but I’m sad to see it happening. I would change it if I knew how. Talked to DerbyK about their party, and the reasons for it. Good times, but hard ones too. It will be good for things to be different though, and nice to start in earnest to build a new thing in place of…

Watched Euphoria today. It’s so sad and beautiful. Watch a stage play of A Very Die Hard Christmas, which was a fun Die Hard. In this one femme Alan Rickman spoke with a British accent and said tickity-boo. Glued a LEGO to my thumb and started having nail feels. Went to the physician about Shanda’s broke toe. Saw some arts from M. Did some dragon arts in the yard. Ate 3 meals. Got a haircut. Trimmed my beard. Took care of Shanda. Wrote a couple of small love stories and a note about how someone could help me provide care. Advanced the plot on L activities. Demanded a new thing…

Skipped most of the day job today, or at least the parts that seemed hard. Got through my deadline work late in the day and checked the noon meeting but otherwise did nothing. Which was a good call. That 8 AM interview would have made me unhappy all day, and this was better. Poked at budget and other planning today with Shanda. That was a lot of work and panic and other feels. Which was the point – to move an inch out of the current avoidance. I spent 20 years trying to make budget easy enough to make the panic stop but that’s never going to work. The feels…

Slept half the day. Which was on purpose, but did make me miss one of this week’s interviews, and that was not on purpose. I should have skipped Tuesday’s though, because it’s at 8 AM, which is more than 2 hours before my usual day job availability. Got caught up in other work business today and had a hard time getting away from it. But if I can get through to tomorrow morning I think I can clear up the rest of the week. Went to robots and had a decent time. E stopped by, which was nice – it’s been a long time since we talked. Worked on PID…

I’m still not writing today. Except I don’t know what to do with myself if I’m not writing today, so there’s still a little leaking out. Got some work done on dragon phase 2 today. I’m short on supplies which will be a small logistics hassle, but it has gone well so far, other than a dodgy fan. Heard from M about their own art and the challenges thereof. It sounds tricky but also like you were able to take a step back and find a new approach. Which inspired me to propose a different approach of my own, for a thing that we have shared. Back to work tomorrow,…

The hope I have for bleaching my buzz cut [fig 1-2], and the reality of what it will actually do [fig 3-4]. But I’m gonna do it anyway. It will help me feel different about having hair. And hopefully will let me make it a color that stays mostly attached, which sounds fun. I’m doing not writing this weekend. I did robot coding and am excited about new framework bits. We watched The Truman Show (1998) which I liked more than I remembered and I’m anxious to write it up. Did some recovery from yesterday. Things are fine but feelings are raw from the accumulated stress of the week and…

Lots of prep work today. Part of it with food and things but mostly trying to make tomorrow not be a time I’d great stress and seperateness. Did okay, but never got below about 7 on the twitch and distract and panic scale. Did get lots of chores done though. And I helped you cry even though you thought you didn’t want to and then that it wouldn’t happen. But we got there, and I think it was worth the effort and discomfort. What you want isn’t to avoid pain, it’s just to have enough control that you can stop it when you need to. Had lots of robot thinks,…

I didn’t really eat Monday 1One of the reasons I like weed is that it makes me more interested in eating. It doesn’t really address the underlying issue, and it doesn’t necessarily help me eat meals, but on days with weed I rarely go to bed m without having at least a piece of bread or something.. Had a slug of milk before I left for the day job but that’s about it. Shanda made breakfast foods after robots but I can’t eat a meal like that without special accommodation, and you were too busy to help me with it. I thought about making a sandwich at like 2 AM…

On the queue this week, but mostly dealing with panic about long since complete publications. For some reason the utter lack of urgency doesn’t make people be calm, but I guess that’s how I keep. This job – my ability to pretend like a plan will save us from our own fear. Work was okay otherwise. Got to use my new tools to do a release checklist, which saved a ton of time and looks fancy. I need to get them to output something I can copy-paste though, so I don’t have to fight so much with SharePoint. Off to robots. Late because I needed to get day job done…

Did shopping today. For us and others. Got 9 gallons of propane, 3 dog toys, 4 acrylic inks, and a rounded red tumbler of dubious utility. Lots of other little bits and bobs too. It’s helping Shanda with holiday feels 1and with some art feels. Which is good because there are a lot of holiday feels already in your brain and more planned before the week is out. Made progress on several art heists, in small but real ways. Physical mockups and plans for further construction, testing of materials and preparation of tools. I made progress on the @Vi heist too, though I don’t know yet how it’s an art…