I’m trying to avoid the thing where I don’t feel done and don’t send what I’ve written, so I’m just sending this and I’ll write a new one tonight with the other bits. When I’m at the hospital, particularly after the treatment I sought is complete, I feel like someone will use my disability as an excuse to deny my agency. I am already being detained, and they insist that I satisfy them to be released. They don’t have the support of state violence by default but they can declare an emergency in which they do, and under which they can compel more “help” for potentially days at least and…

Got up early for an interview where accents and cell phones conspired to ensure I couldn’t understand most of the answers the candidate gave. Not that it matters anyway, since our processes for hiring are discriminatory nonsense 1This isn’t unique to F5; it happens most places. Even if we were doing something to help compensate for biases we can’t seem to get our head around what we want. We turned down a candidate because they didn’t want to move to Seattle and now we’re interviewing someone who would work from the Hyderabad office. Apparently so … Continue reading. But I got up and did it and then napped for a couple…

Robots interleauge last Saturday. We placed 5th and played into finals, where we lost to a robot that’s almost identical to our design. We scored well enough overall to advance to the state competition in a couple of weeks. I’m glad the team did well, but I’m also ready to be done with deadline robots (and car rentals and driving and spending my Saturdays in a middle school gym) for a while too. I want to work on some things that will take more than a day, and those have to wait until we can tolerate downtime. Or until we decide we can have two robots again, a thing we’ve…

Busy today with last day robots. Things went well though, and I was home before 9. Didn’t have to do much and no one was excessively anxious. I did have to drive but that also let me bring chicken nuggets, which is always a plus. I had hoped to get some more helium today but there was none readily available and I wasn’t interested in hauling filled balloons around town, so I’m sticking with the single one I’ve got. But the wings and bits all came together okay. It could use another round of integration to get better colors, better wearablility, and adaptability for future shirts. But I’m pretty happy…

Was in calls all afternoon, but for things I actually like. M and DerbyK and HA4H kept me busy from 1:30 until 6. I have lots of feels about them all but I’m not up for writing all that tonight. For now it’s enough to say that it made me week, as is usually the case. All of you said things that made me proud and happy. Got the pendant assembled and potted during HA4H. There’s a little software left to do – the part where it’s hard for me to avoid thinking of the project as visual art, which is uncomfortable for me. We all did video today so…

Did my MBOs on time, closed the most urgent SR, closed the Keyczar nonsense, closed the active FTP tantrum. Didn’t get anything else done at the day job, but that was good progress. If I can close another SR or two tomorrow that should be sufficient for the week. Got some cape enhancements done. The back is split now to let me actually move my arms in it, I added the closure chain back, and there are v0.4 wings [vid 1]. Tomorrow is balloon design; I’ve got a couple good ideas, depending on what I can make (literally) fly. I let my therapist in on a heist today and they…

Back to the day job on Monday. Which was mostly okay. Things are in a bit of disarray after mandatory time off. I’m still holding a half dozens SRs that are now a month old. But I’ve made all the meetings I expected to the last couple of days, and only had one piece of deadline work due thus far, so it’s going. It was a busy day though, and everything was behind. I didn’t get out of the office until almost 4, which makes robots pretty late. It also means I didn’t get a chance for food. I raided the Starburst stash 1They keep several candy stashes we’ll-stocked, even…

Got taping done today, after months of not being able to get started. We couldn’t quite talk about why it was so hard at other times – anxiety was still pretty high – but it got done and that was great. Step next is some plastic for the floor and a line around the celing, which is less work than we did today. More Rimworld. I played enough to get good again, ran a new world where I did really well. Played that save until it started throwing space insects with lasers at me. There has to be some way to trick raiders or visitors into attacking the space bugs…

Played Rimworld today. It’s still difficult for me to imagine that I want to play games for myself. But today I had the right sort of anxiety to want to manage a survival sim, so I poured it into my pawns. I learned new things and blinked enough so it was a good time. Worked on TV maintenance today for the fist time on a long while. I used to imagine archival as a thing I liked doing, but I lost that somewhere. I did work to give up motivations about hoarding and fleeing, but apparently not enough work to be able to like it without those bits. We’ll have…

It was a long day today, particularly for a day off. I left the house before 10 and didn’t have a minute to myself until 10 at night. Met with my old boss, rode a lot of buses 1got narc’d at by Ben while on one of them, went to the gym, did hand art, played D&D. I had intended to be home between some of those things, maybe even make a call, but the closest I got was meeting Shanda at a bus stop in Magnolia. I’ve been not writing a couple of important things – a GoFundMe and a story I’ve finally built for my early life. I…