Lowered Expectations – The Daily Screed

I tried to get up this morning to deal with last night’s test failure. But that didn’t go. Between Shanda’s early knocking about and the CO alarm failing ¹The way these things decide to tell you about faults is silly. They should have a less intrusive notification system for expected failures like end-of-life. They could at least have a motion sensor so they tell you about the battery when you walk by instead of at 2 AM when your across the house, waiting 45 seconds for the next beep so you can … Continue reading I somehow missed my actual alarm. Too many disturbances and not enough sleep ²Never would have had this problem if I kept that 80s alarm with its car-alarm noises and compete lack of a timeout or push-button disarm or ability to be reached from in bed. I mean, it would have given me a heart attack by now but I’d be awake while it happened, even if I was real tired..

I meant to have lunch. But I can’t use the microwave when Shanda is on the phone, so that had to wait. We’ve needed Ethernet drops since she moved up here but no one would call me back when I tried to hire someone and after I went to Cleveland I dropped the project entirely (along with all the other home improvement projects). Shanda said she’d help but so far that consists of “motivating” me by complaining when I want to eat.

I meant to get to out to my errands early today so I’d have time to regroup before therapy. Maybe even time to poke my SRs so Thursday could be low pressure. But that is not how today is going.

Errands were complicated. I forgot the backup tape and had to make a second run. Then the rental car broke in my driveway on my way back and it took 15 minutes for tech support to get going. Then I forgot the god dammed key ³I have been working toward a keyless existence for years. The need of keys – the experience of being locked out – has been a source of significant stress in my life, so I’m happy to not need them. But the bank box needs a key. It used to be the only one I carried but last time I reorganized – when I was living in Cleveland and thousands of … Continue reading and had to drive home a second time and back to the bank again.

Shanda is out tonight so I’m hoping I can take 90 minutes and clear out my SRs, so that tomorrow I can actually focus on testing again. But probably Dog will shit in the hall and I’ll slip in it and fall on my phone and not be able to log into the VPN.

But I did get boxes mailed and my hairs cut and a backup tape into the vault and to therapy. Let’s see if I can get Dog walked and myself fed and then we’ll worry about work.

I did all the things on the list except work. I considered doing some work after supper but decided the time off would be better for me. I’m trying to feel okay about that. I accomplished a bunch of stuff and it was sort of complicated and I’m tired and cranky and moderately anxious and I’m going to be fairly busy through next Wednesday.

Therapy today skipped the integration technique and worked on a more specific current goal. Worth discussing as always but not until I get a less frazzled moment to think about it – I’m not yet sure how I feel about it and not likely to figure it out tonight. I guess I will find time for tomorrow. I’ve only got work and gym so that seems plausible if I don’t put it off until 2 AM.

Had someone from high school message me today. I have pretty poor memory so most of what I remember about them is the singular superficial attribute we share. I’m pretty sure they were one of the folks who respected me, although at the time respect felt pretty useless – even naive or unwise – to me. I guess I still sort of feel that way, when people admit to not hating me. So far the conversation reads a little like a chat script on their end, but I’m trying to read that as awkwardness and not disingenuousness.

I didn’t have insurance on my errand lost today but I should try to get it there shortly. They still haven’t processed my second set of claims and it’s time for a third. Plus that situation with the last therapist and the wrong payee. They owe me well over a grand so it’s worth some effort to fix. Plus it reminds me of Medicaid, which I’d really like to take off my worry list. And the dog insurance. And whatever it is I’m gonna do about Melissa’s insurance now that they’re back to threats of “retroactively canceling”.

Shanda had a better day today, though still quite busy with work and therapy and going out with her Little Sister. Away from the house for 9 hours plus a half day of work. But it felt more in control, and that’s always good.

We’ve been watching CritRole again this week, Shanda and I. We never got going again on season 2 but the one-off to go find Grog came out on Saturday and we’ve been going through it. Didn’t get to any today but we did several other days and I’m excited to do more. It will never be like the early days again on terms of the small community, but we can still do all the fun parts we had at home. Plus @LB and @TW are both cute and hot together and seperately, which is sometimes enough reason to watch all by itself.

I got you a winter ferry [fig 2] – one of the tiny ones – and a blue @JCVIM [fig 1] in possibly her best hair ever. They’re not about anything in particular but they were the best two photos I looked at today.

This is sort of a bad The Screed with no narrative and feels that I can hardly be bothered to have let alone describe or reflect on. But that’s the sort of day it was so I guess that’s the The Screed you get. Hopefully tomorrow will be better on both counts.

ZiB

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Sent from a phone.

Stars for Later[+]

Stars for Later
↑1	The way these things decide to tell you about faults is silly. They should have a less intrusive notification system for expected failures like end-of-life. They could at least have a motion sensor so they tell you about the battery when you walk by instead of at 2 AM when your across the house, waiting 45 seconds for the next beep so you can figure out which thing needs your attention.
↑2	Never would have had this problem if I kept that 80s alarm with its car-alarm noises and compete lack of a timeout or push-button disarm or ability to be reached from in bed. I mean, it would have given me a heart attack by now but I’d be awake while it happened, even if I was real tired.
↑3	I have been working toward a keyless existence for years. The need of keys – the experience of being locked out – has been a source of significant stress in my life, so I’m happy to not need them. But the bank box needs a key. It used to be the only one I carried but last time I reorganized – when I was living in Cleveland and thousands of miles from the bank – I decided I didn’t need it anymore. That I didn’t want the sort of life that might require me to stop by the vault while fleeing the country without stopping at home first. But that only accounts for my survival fears about running away, not my ability to remember a physical security token when I leave the house. I’m gonna tape the key to the tape robot ejection door so I don’t so this again.