Aluminum Altruism
I still need to tell a story about economic abuse, and about death by aluminum powder. But not tonight. It’s been enough day already. And I already made you feel pretty bad about past me in the last one.
I’m less sick today, and even ventured out on a walk once it was dark and safe. But still spending a lot of time coughing or trying to avoid coughing. I’m hoping to be well enough for robots tomorrow but it’s still iffy right now. I’ll at least be able to do calls tomorrow though, and not be stuck alone.
I’m off the queue this week and with a little luck I’ll be able to work on my next big nag project in earnest for a few days. If I can get that chooching I can write a tool to do it for me and look like I’m doing a bunch of work. It will make my boss feel safe and buy me time to cook up something else.
Talked about the cost of being different people today. The way I often don’t value self when deciding what so of life I want. People talk about it like choosing self is a form of being less restricted – and in one aspect it is – but freedom is always a trade. The kind of freedom I have is different, and I don’t want to give it up. I like that it can be easy for me to live different lives. But I do want some of the other kind as well – the kind that lets me value my preferences and not just survival – and I’d be willing to take some fear of change to get it.
Talked about what a target might be, for the vector that includes painting. Tried to build framework where it feels like a tangible step and not the terrifying end goal. That helped with painting, but of course adds its own stress. Tried to talk about past painting trauma too, but didn’t latch on to anything. When we can both bend over again we can actually do 5 minutes of it and see what feels pop out.
Made progress on budget today. Squeezed out some of the feels, reduced the scope on some of your fears. It’s slow but it no longer feels like never, at least not on this front.
Made improvised supper, which was easy and which you really liked. I hope it helped you feel both like we can accomplish such tasks together and like you often already know how to make things, at least if we talk about them for a minute before the panic sets in.
I’m hoping to get a friend over for dinner on Thursday. What could I serve to entice them to accept? What sort of safety would let them brave the experience?
ZiB
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Sent from a phone.
