Noun Verbing
Got my meeting attending, job tasking, email sending, grocery getting, insurance refunding, insurance claiming, insurance inquiring, recycling transporting, drawer organizing, makeup wearing, sex doing, dog walking, care packaging, landlord wrangling, bill paying, dish washing, mail handling, and weed toking underway by 3 PM. Which feels pretty good, even if there are endless more things on the list. And it’s now my intent to lounge hard for the rest of the day. Shanda is light sensitive today, and almost done with work, so we can hide in the basement together for a while. Maybe complete our Search for Grog (Geek & Sundry). And lunch. I did lots of things but not lunch.
I got Shanda to start talking about makeup today. It’s clearly hard for her, even to talk about mine. But we did some anyway, and she let me draw on her head a little, while she tried out her eyes. And I doodled on my hand while the pencils were out. We’re not at comfortable yet but it’s good to take a step forward. To feel like I’m not overreacting when I see her hesitation; I don’t want it to be hard for her but it’s good to see how her reaction isn’t about me.
I got a lot of book in, the last few days. Lots of time alone in my headphones. It’s really working for me. I see exactly what @FD was talking about. What she is worried about and how she hopes to avoid it. I want to get back to some of the other 3 books I’m in the middle of but this series has been really engaging.
I’m doing okay with work stress, though I could stand to not run an interview tomorrow. Or at least to do it over the phone. Our hiring process is so bad it makes me feel forever unclean just to participate. Like when DSHS wanted me to sit in on the adoption decision process and verbatim read the questions that supposedly elicit the information needed to place a child with a parent(s). I feel bad even for being there because I know we use the process to hurt people, and almost certainly break the law.
Or I could stand to have Thursday off, but the house will be busy all afternoon so I don’t get that day either. Or Sunday, with D&D. I’ll probably survive but I am still feeling stressed about travel. I don’t really need a whole day with nothing to do but it sure feels like that would be useful.
That’s about all I did today. Which was the goal – to get some down time. But I did a lot and there were plenty of tough parts. The makeup feels alone were a lot of work, and there was not inconsiderable anxiety from both me and Shanda. I guess I’m feeling like there hasn’t been space to see it all yet. Like the bit where Shanda as afraid about me not coming home even though she sees how it’s about abandonment feels.
Maybe tomorrow.
ZiB
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Sent from a phone.
