Friday
We did recover, Shanda and I, from the bad times yesterday. We agreed there were places she could have taken the control she felt was lacking, and that it was possible to talk about such things without so much desperation on either side.
We also got to talk more about the ways Shanda wants to understand her relationships, romantic and otherwise. I’ve never been as attached to externally defined roles as she has been, so while polyamory feels like the default to me it’s still sometimes an impedance mismatch when we’re talking about how the whole thing is shaped – I feel like she isn’t always careful about the difference between what she wants and the trench where society pushes relationships, and I’m sure she feels like I’m being incautious of perceived expectations. In any case, I think she’s going to start dating more, and being a little less serial (and serious) about it, which I’m pretty sure is what she always wanted to do. And she has finally started to imagine the way I negotiate romantic involvements in my relationships, and how that’s both the same and different from what she’s currently doing.
Talked to M for a second. Things are still pretty tense. But the talking is still too new and exciting for me to be melancholy about. I wish I could give them a week off from the world, to let them have a chance to get their bearings. Instead I preached the gospel of sharing, and of prioritized self-care. And I’ll try to do it again Saturday.
Signed dog up for training classes. Actually going (and in particular climbing up the hill afterward) feels like a hassle, but I like the idea of better communicating with Rev so I should be able to trick myself into feeling like it’s a good plan before it starts. And Rev will probably half pull me up the hill after an hour of being nervous about other nearby dogs.
I think I made progress on the tax thing with Father. Shanda says he agreed more or less with everything from the last episode, and claimed to have done his own research. He clearly still doesn’t have a plan to do anything but I do think he maybe sees that he will be subject to the estate tax. He isn’t there yet, but the logical conclusion is that he must give some of his money away before he dies, or else the worst thing he can fear will happen – the public will get access to it. It continues to be very hard to engage with this, but is is mildly encouraging that it’s not entirely static. If only I didn’t have to keep pounding on it for years.
Shanda is out having her hair updated. I think she’s going to shave the undercut to nothing, and turn the other side teal. There was even some discussion of drawing on the shaved part of her scalp. I’m excited to see what she comes back with.
Shaving yes, color no. Wanted teal but didn’t have time for bleach today, so it’s just a bit more blue. Still great though. See [fig 1,2].
ZiB
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Sent from a phone.
