Liberalization of Momentum

These are always so hard for me to start again once I get more than a couple of days deep. But let’s give it a shot. The second one will be easier after this one gets out.

Since last episode I finished moving. Or at least all the parts that involve people and places outside my new house – there’s still a ton of work to do here, but we’ve got all the totes and boxes unpacked and all the bits we need setup for daily life. I am already sick of not having good lights here, and of being subject to daily sunshine from all the poorly covered windows, but mostly it’s good. It’s at least good to be done.

I also was in a car crash. For some reason, less than half a block from my house, I pulled away from a stop sign and drove a rental car into the side of a minivan that was crossing in front of me. I was not seriously injured but I had airbag and seatbelt injuries and lots of both surface and deep brusing. It’s been a week and a half now and I’m mostly better. Cars still seem like a higher than usual threat but they were (correctly) already high on my danger list already, so hopefully it won’t be a lot of work to get back to my normal. I’ve been doing okay with pedestrian life, only slightly elevated anxiety at busy crossings. It will also help to stop moving houses and being in Ohio, two things that required a lot more car time than usual. I should probably drive again before never to avoid building anxiety but I will also look forward to taking a few months off it.

Dog is doing medium. His cancer symptoms are actually down a bit, and he seems fairly happy in the new house. But he’s still on track to die in like a month or two, if the median surivial. data is applicable. He has also had a number of less severe issues, like a UTI (which makes him dribble everywhere and whine a lot) and what the emergency vet speculated was weed toxicity (which made him look super drunk and also dribble everywhere). We couldn’t identify any exposure to weed but he did get better over the next 12 hours, so it was something transient. He’s got 2 or 3 chemo treatments left, which has has tolerated fairly well thus far. And starting Friday he’s doing training for Invisible Fence. He won’t have a lot of time with it, but I’ll be really glad to let him roam ¹Obviously the goal of this system is to restrict the range of his roaming. But I really like it’s it’s a suggestion, not a restraint, and that he could leave if he were motivated. It’s easy for me to feel like I’m trapping Dog against his will, and I think the technical ability for him to leave will help me with that. Plus it will let him … Continue reading without a leash, and it will be used for the next dog too.

I’ve been sort of all stress for a while now. Move prep for weeks with demands from banks and realtors and landlords and the like. An unexpected trip to Cleveland. Actual moving. All the labor for moving and cleaning and trash removal and landscaping and the 30 other things the landlord demands. The car crash. Shanda’s ER visit. Plus my credit card was compromised and my day job finally noticed I wasn’t working. All that is why I can’t write. It also why I’ve had too much weed the past few weeks; this is my first week in a few back to the usual restricted schedule, now that coping seems plausible and escape isn’t the only option for a moment of calm.

So let’s end on that and see if there’s one of these with feels in it on Wednesday or Thursday.

ZiB

—
Sent from a phone.

• 

• 

• 

•