Western Watches

Here’s a thing that would have been handy for me when I was younger – someone caring that I was trading sex and emotional labor for housing with an abusive person I imagined as a romantic partner. I couldn’t possibly know, because it was a genuine improvement from my life with Mother. But other people did know, and many of them could have helped. Even just a little help would have made a big difference.

We’re taught to not notice when people trade sex ¹Or more broadly any labor, but in particular sexual, emotional, domestic, childrearing and other forms of “non-market” labor. for survival. Coercion is not just permitted but expected in the exchange of labor, and we tell stories that explain why this ought to be true. The victims deserve it. The abusers earned it. Everyone must submit to their role. There’s not enough for everyone and the oppression is necessary to let our in-group survive. It’s right because the sacrifice keeps us safe.

But someone could have offered me a place to eat and be inside in the evenings for a couple of years without the demands of an abusive relationship. I did get some mutual aid, but no one with the power to make a real change ever acted. They didn’t want to know, and would blame me for it if they did. This is why we can’t legitimize sex work or agricultural work – under the current system that sort of work is not worthy even of survival.

I should be clear that, at the time, I did not see the situation as coercive, nor was it imagined that way by the other party. I did recognize it as abusive but that was my speed at the time. Sex was never explicitly demanded but refusing would mean not having a place to be for at least that night. I felt exploited but in comparison to my alternatives it was often a relief anyway. I only occasionally felt assaulted, which again often felt like a net improvement over home. And many times there was enough escapism available in our interactions to provide me some clam in a world where I had very little, which was valuable to me at any cost.

I can’t blame individuals for the long-standing institution. I can accept that they are afraid of and oppressed by many of the same ties that bound me. That they may not be able to provide real help.But they could have noticed, have seen me and let me see them notice, could at least let me know my suffering wasn’t invisible, and wasn’t necessarily for others to survive.
Sucking hard at SRs this week, but doing okay at helping Shanda get to your sadness and anger, and out of your tension and isolation. It’s well worth the effort even if it will mean some weekend day jobbing.

Pushed at CookieZ this week, just a little. They are still only leaking the smallest pieces of backstory, and still playing floor-is-lava with their feels. But it’s an opportunity to offer stories even if none are shared, and I know they are listening even if they are not yet connected to the core of the narrative.

I also pushed at @BPS, in a somewhat different direction. Speculated about the shape of household attentions, shifts in their sources, and they ways they project support. Possibly induced something pleasant, but it’s always hard for me to guess if people actually like being spotted in their own lives.

https://vm.tiktok.com/wy2mx8/
https://vm.tiktok.com/wyNP22/

ZiB

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Sent from a phone.

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