Lowered Expectations
Weird day at robots. There was a very specific goal that T wanted to meet, much more specific than was required for success at robotting. In persuit of it they did many useful things, but they also let it consume them, as they made perfect the enemy of good. I’m not stressed about it, but I’m sad to see it happening. I would change it if I knew how.
Talked to DerbyK about their party, and the reasons for it. Good times, but hard ones too. It will be good for things to be different though, and nice to start in earnest to build a new thing in place of the old. I’m really proud of you for handling the increasingly difficult challenges with clam and control.
Wrote my therapist a letter demanding a new form of interaction. I want them to be able to help me with social heists, or to help me find someone who can. I’ve tired to push toward that via storytelling – which is a component of LI – and other interfaces, but it has never worked. But I’ve got a clear plan now, which is nice. I’m not sure if my therapist will be up for it, but we’ll see what comes.
Busy, and so motivated to sleep instead of write. I will be busy for several days to come too. I should find a procedure to help me feel good about how I prioritize writing – or change how I prioritize writing – in weeks where I’m declaring busy procedures. Right now I don’t make time for it and then feel bad for not doing it.
Lots of little things to do tomorrow. Dog gets cleaned, I paint wings, maybe some hair bleaching, chores to clear the week, pendant wiring, and probably some robot troubleshooting. I’d also like to do a tiny pour and some stop motion shots. Fun things and mostly fast but still busy.
Annoyed with the day job today, for structural reasons. But also inspired to new solutions. If I can rig a heist I might have outside help with F5 issues, and I already know how to make some internal bits better.
Having lots of fingernail feels about the LEGO thumb. I can finally understand why people find nail biting so compelling. I could never bite my nails because it would ruin my disguise, but I can see the appeal. I still have a fear of it being ripped off as punishment, but I’m trying to imagine that’s no longer likely to actually happen. It’s tricky though, reprogramming your brain.
Walked Shanda through some heist feels. With some effort. It’s so hard for you to imagine that my dreams are safe for you. Which makes it hard for me to feel safe dreaming. I know you’d like to dream with me, instead of putting me on your parent’s side, but it’s often very difficult to make that happen. But we poked at it and made it one step better.
ZiB
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Sent from a phone.
