Accute Double Entry Accounting

Skipped most of the day job today, or at least the parts that seemed hard. Got through my deadline work late in the day and checked the noon meeting but otherwise did nothing. Which was a good call. That 8 AM interview would have made me unhappy all day, and this was better.

Poked at budget and other planning today with Shanda. That was a lot of work and panic and other feels. Which was the point – to move an inch out of the current avoidance. I spent 20 years trying to make budget easy enough to make the panic stop but that’s never going to work. The feels need to happen, and get attached to where they belong – probably the past – instead of having them attached to me or to something we are trying to do. I know it feels like too much, and it’s fine that you need time, but it has to keep moving. I’ve been doing it alone for 30 years and I need something different.

Worked on the pendant, which I think will be good if a bit thic. Should be able to get it wired enough for testing in the next couple of days. And then all the packing, so it can be out the door before the middle of the month. Spent 24 minutes talking to 6 people to advance the plot on my medical care. It didn’t quite work but I’m told it’s as far as I can go until they do some sort of processing and call me back. Booked a birthday trip for Shanda that’s also a Christmas gift for C. Inflated a helium ¹The lack of a pressure gauge on my helium tank makes it difficult to be confident that I will have enough when I need it. It’s a steel tank full of low mass gas, so there’s not a lot of information to be had from the outside. It annoys me enough that I’d get a spare, if I hadn’t already owned this tank for most of a decade – for all I … Continue reading dragon that’s maybe a capstone. So lots of calls and little bits of work between the planning feels.

Found a spontaneous plan for myself today, and got Shanda to help me build it into a heist. It’s slightly too expensive to be wise, and it will require a moderate amount of compression while it happens, but I’m going to do it anyway. In the past I’ve had good luck running off to do expensive and unwise things with limited comms and no coordination, so I’m hoping for the best.

Maybe therapy tomorrow is another take on survival dependence. I had a new idea about how to sell the concept, along with a new insight as to why it’s so raw for me. It’s a thing I’ve seen a lot of because my life is closer to the edge than many – by external forces in the past, and increasingly through my own choices – and that I’m not sure normies can even see. And it’s a thing that rests on top of my childhood experiences as a parent, which have always been dismissed and belittled.

Tomorrow is some day job, hopefully including a noon meeting so I can get credit for being seen this week. I have a couple SR from late last week to kill, but I’d really love to work on getting a host up for the BZ project so it has a permanent home. Therapy in the early evening, an attempt at a short call, and then drugs. Maybe we can work out a night that feels less sad and more together. Or at least a night that feels lazy and slow, before we drive hard for another few days.

ZiB

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Sent from a phone.

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