Ta-Da Tdap
I went to a physican today. Sort of for the first time in my life. I’ve seen physicians before to obtain specific treatments, though even that has been pretty minimal. But I went to see someone today with the intent of, I guess, figuring out how to use physicians. Someone who imagines that my trauma and related illnesses are relevant. It made me cry, but it went better than I expected. I’m still working on the feels about it.
Got a call today. It made Shanda yell and run in excitement, to see it happen while I was away from my phone. To be fair she was already pretty keyed up from some camping language earlier in the day. I got to talk about casting aspersions and cropped clothes and sunrise scheduling and preme pops. Got to hear about a plan for finding a safe role in a dangerous organization and hopes to help someone else in the same way. Pushed at the edges of things that do not want to stay present in present in the mind, like the trials of transportation, both personal and psychological. And in general it offered me relief and excitement and pride and love.
Drank this afternoon, in celebration of doctoring, and to soothe the anxiety of making happen. Also in recognition of having the day off. It was a HA4H day, but @BPS down for the day so we waved off. Next week we’ll be off for a holiday. I’m sort of sad to miss it for half a month. It was a D&D day, but attendance kept falling until we called that off too. I thought C might come over anyway just to hang, but for the second time this week they stayed home to try to help their spouse feel safe. It almost certainly won’t work, just like it didn’t work last time, but I can’t blame them for doing the thing that has been requested, or for wanting it to be different.
Having a slow night at home was a good call in the end. There were lots of feels to poke at. I’m still chewing about the physician, and needed to gush about my call. We’re behind on Screeds. You caught a rough edge in your ongoing asymmetric feels and I batted at it again later to help smooth it out. And a third time when I made you link it to the unstable ground of your hopes for holiday hangouts. But we got lots of good done today. Gifts and busses and individual care and surprise zebra cakes.
Dog did this [fig 1], @Erika found her best hair-necklace-eye combo from 2019 [fig 2], and @Felicia was inducted into the Smithsonian [fig 3]. Chatted with V for a minute about recent joy and the anticipation of closeness. I still haven’t figured out how engage you about finding space for experimental identity, or about the safety of playing in a social context with less inertia. But I’ll keep working on it.
ZiB
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Sent from a phone.
