Assassin’s Screed
Apple finally announced an update to my favorite laptop that includes 2 physical ports. They are unfortunately both on the same side (fraking
3.5mm analog audio on the other) but it’s still most of the improvement I was looking for. That and more pixels. All the pixels. All in 13.3″. I’ve been a lot happier with my current machine since I replaced the bottom half of it (new bottom case, battery, keyboard, trackpad), but I still think it’s time for a new one. It certainly will be before the next hardware update so I might as well have one now and give this one away before it’s ancient.
Talked to Ben for a bit about how he should look for ways to disengage from Mother* to improve his mental health. It’s a topic of some avoidance for him – typically justified via some comparison what he judges an equivalent harm or his belief that since he can longer achieve exactly his old dreams for life that nothing else is worth doing. I’m all for nihilism – I prefer when people have quite a bit – but as a stand-alone a philosophy that makes some things very hard – like recovering from depression.
He says I can’t possibly understand his philosophy – that no one can – until they’ve had DMT**. I’m actually interested in trying DMT but I’m not interested in this plan where our relationship is dependent on me having the reaction he expects to some external event. It’s like having someone need you to love their favorite movie – there’s no option but disappointment because you can’t give them the feeling they want. I’m also not a fan of using drugs as a tool in any process, at least not without supervision and testing and quality control. But it doesn’t really matter because the idea that he can’t relate to anyone unless they’ve met this particular criteria is just another way to enforce his isolation, and he’ll find another excuse once I do.
I am headed to robots today, but I’m leaving by 5 PM. That will let me make sure we get some meaningful work done – and make sure my late night commits didn’t break anything – and still be home at a reasonable time. And I get to come as a 42 pound robots that fits inside a small starting cube¶.
Hopefully stating Critical Role again tonight. And with @Laura Bailey GMing a one-off, which could be lots of fun (and won’t require backstory we missed in the last 30-some episodes). We watched every week for a couple of years but that fell apart with Melissa and we’re only now getting back to it. Once we get into the swing of it I’ll probably watch all the episodes we missed, but for now it’s just good to get started.
My moss farm is finally stating to take this year [fig 1] and always looks great when under the high temperature but low brightness of Seattle’s midday overcast. It’s one of the reasons shooting in Vancouver or Portland is nice – consistent high temp diffuse light all day most days.
Shanda is still trying to imagine her anxiety in little boxes and jump among them (or to distraction) on a pretty regular basis. Pointing it out is disengaged agreement, which is better than denial but not the same as actual discussion. Anger though today, and sadness – grief – which feels like improvement to me. It’s still easy for me to catch the blame but it’s closer to engaged in live feelings, which is where I’m hoping to be.
Talked to SJ today, about a thing they did and (mostly) liked, which in turn made them leak a couple of feelings, or at least a couple of eyebrow waggles. Which is a sign that the last one-way message didn’t make them fear or hate me and with some thinking and empathizing should be enough for me to write another one. So I’m going to single out a student for special attention and comment on their clothing in an email I send at night, which is a full bingo on the school’s sexual predator training checklist. Compliance has never been my strong suit§.
I convinced my landlord to pay for the window but haven’t seen any money yet. I also haven’t seen my deposit to TD Canada go through. Which means using a telephone to talk to people about mailed checks – a household management activity that should have died in the 1900s. But I’m gonna save that for next week.
@BPS replied to a message I wrote to them. I wrote about the framework in which I appreciate their work at a time when they had expressed frustration about it. In a recent video they used a framing very similar to what I had suggested and have now replied to that message. Whichever order those events happened in for them I’m excited to feel like we’re on the same page about something complicated and vague and emotional even though we’ve never met. And of course amazed that someone is replying to me at all – particular someone I imagine as Internet famous***.
ZiB
*This is complicated by the fact that he needs and will likely continue to need about $36k/year or whatever portion of that he can’t get from market labor and public benefits. I can help but it’s a tall order for me to meet alone until he dies. And I can’t knock rent off the number because I can’t live with him from very long – it would kill us both. It’s sort of a moot point if he’s not gonna use the opportunity to improve his life; he might as well just take the abuse money if he’s gonna take the abuse.
**A short-duration but intense psychedelic derived from plant sources: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/N,N-Dimethyltryptamine
***Which is mostly a lie – their videos only get like 25 views in the first week, and one of those is me.
¶FTC robots like the team is building must weigh less than 42 pounds and start in a configuration smaller than 18″x18″x18″, but can get bigger once activated. Which S didn’t understand (I doubt he’s seen any relevant media) but most of the team did.
§Which is sometimes 47% of why people like me. And 100% of why school administrators avoid me.
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Sent from a phone.
