Last Supper

Today was better. Looked at (mostly) better apartments — places I would actually be willing to live. A couple more to look at tomorrow, but I’d be satisfied with two of the places we saw today. And they’re both empty so we could move in right away. Well, as soon as we own beds at least.

Got some time to talk to M and you reassured me that I’m not a terrible person for wanting to live with you for a while. I know you feel guilty about demanding too much from me. Someday we’ll figure out how to understand that we share this problem rather than feeling divided by it. In the mean time I’m glad to at least be able to talk about it. And to vent a little about the household with someone who understands.

Got a moving van and loaded up most of M’s stuff. I’ll get my stuff packed up tonight so I can spend tomorrow in low-friction mode with no responsibilities. Other than chasing everyone out by 11. I conveniently have another viewing at 10, which I hope will let me skip some of the hectic bits.

There’s still a pending call to Mother to keep advancing the plot on funding, but I’m going to put that off until tomorrow. I could use a day to remember what my life is supposed to be like before I let that throw me off anymore. DerbyK reach out to offer some preemptive support about it, which was really great. I’m super not used to other people giving me anything I haven’t specifically arranged to receive, but I like it.

Called into D&D today. Shanda set me up at full size on the standing desk so I could hover over everyone. I didn’t get to actually play but it it was nice to hang out. 3 new people showed up* to play a short session so hopefully we’ll be able to start in earnest soon. Shanda rolled a new character but I’m going to talk to the DM about scaling my old one back down in level and giving him a couple of trauma points instead (it’s d20m so you can roll for anything).

Made sloppy joes for supper, mostly while I was on the D&D call. Ate about a pound of grapes with them. I’m a big fan of sloppy joes – it’s one of the few things I was regularly allowed to cook (at least when we were allowed meat) and that I could make essentially out of condiments. But today I got to make it with fresh onions and smoked paprika. I also start3d early enough that the mothers didn’t eat with us, which was an unexpected but welcome reprieve.

Between packing and cooking and D&D and looking at apartments and talking to Shanda I had basically no free time yesterday. Which I’ll take as a blessing. I could use some actual relaxing (as opposed to anxious waiting) but baring that being productive is good. And I’m happy with all the bits I accomplished.

ZiB

*When I dialed in there were a bunch of people in my living room and one of them brought a dog and everyone was playing with it. I was really excited and a little sad I didn’t get to play with a dog. But of course it was Rev. It’s just hard for me to imagine really having a dog. Or anyone else liking it. But of course they do because he’s great. And I miss him a bunch.

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Sent from a phone.