Mostly slept today, after Shanda and I both slept terribly last night. Skipped my morning meeting but felt okay about it. Shanda was having a hard time being busy instead of having feels, but by 3 PM or so we made progress on that front, and got some of those old feels pointed away from me. Worked through a Screed over the course of the day and got through shopping and dishes and other small backlogs. You talked about being 9 and not being allowed to have preferences or feels. About not feeling like you’re allowed to be a seperate person. About clothes in particular, but about identity in general.…

When we’re told that a certain emotion is bad – by our history or by the world – it’s easy to want to deny that it happens. It’s easy to look back at your day and say “I wasn’t busy because I got done with my list” or “I’m not stressed because all I did was a day job and chores”. It’s easy to see a hint of “bad” emotion and decide that it’s “just” some transient, external thing and not really the feel you’re afriad it might be. It’s easy to wait for our mood or the world to change while believing that will make all the difference. It’s…

It was still a lot of day today. Less than yesterday but also more of the same. Still suck enough to be slow and unfocused, even if I’m not to tired to walk or eat. Had a lot of trouble getting Shanda’s attention, to me or even yourself. Did eventually get your attention to my vision loss, after years of it being to scary for you to acknowledge. Had lots of writing to do – not here, obviously – and didn’t get done until late. But I did get done with most things I hoped to do: writing and eating and Dog care and even day job. Totally missed HA4H…

It was a lot of day. I’m slightly sick, which makes everything hard, and had to spend far too long getting help with it – had to abandon my first plan for the day because the pharmacy is required by policy to discriminate by gender. Eventually got that worked out but it ate all of my productive time and all of my day job time. Had a whole seperate medical interaction where someone carefully documented the slow acceleration of my progressive vision loss, after poking my eyeballs with a stick and asking questions that require me to describe not having contact with my family of origin. So that was fun…

I was going to write tonight. Got done early with that intent – packages and writing. But also got a UTI a few hours after helping Shanda with hers, so I’m a bit twitchy for any focused activity. I wish I had been symptomatic a few hours earlier, so we could have gotten treated at the same time instead of repeating all the steps a day later. I did make my morning meeting today though. And did gym for the first time in a while. I even took Dog to a new place for walking while we were out running about for Shanda. Made progress on packing and related activities.…

Spent far too long on Saturday doing day job. But I did close 7 SRs before the end of the quarter, which is great. Had a good evening though, after Shanda got home. Didn’t get much else done but did get to relax. Had some really good cheesesteak-like food, with only a small amount of no-recipe panic from Shanda. It was delicious and just made from things we had and with very low effort. I can help us make more such things if you agree to not hate me for improvising. There was still lots of being distracted this weekend. We’re not at the same insane level of stress that…