I still need to tell a story about economic abuse, and about death by aluminum powder. But not tonight. It’s been enough day already. And I already made you feel pretty bad about past me in the last one. I’m less sick today, and even ventured out on a walk once it was dark and safe. But still spending a lot of time coughing or trying to avoid coughing. I’m hoping to be well enough for robots tomorrow but it’s still iffy right now. I’ll at least be able to do calls tomorrow though, and not be stuck alone. I’m off the queue this week and with a little luck…

Today I slept almost like a person, and felt well enough to venture outside the house. For some reason it took me 30 minutes and 4 requests to summon a ride at noon on a Saturday, but I did eventually make it to the craft store. I couldn’t convince anyone to commit to construction work but we achieved ears and tails and wings and paint, and confirmed a plan for deployment, which is a moderate success. M popped in today, or at least brushed up along side. Seems like things are still pretty high tension over there. V poked out for the first time in a long while, shouting dispair…

Day 5 of sick leave, though I am starting to feel better. I was only choking on my own fluids for parts of the day, not all of it. We both felt well enough to watch a movie: But I’m a Cheerleader (1999) 1When I saw thst Shanda had ordered this I thought it was a duplicate, but I’m thinking of Pumpkin (2002) with Christina Ricci – not the same plot, but the same hair style and a similar journey for the protagonist.. It’s a fun movie about Natasha Lyonne being sent to an over-the-top un-gay camp when other people decide she has the gay. At camp she’s oppressed in…

Yet more sick. Several parts are better than yesterday but now I’ve got one of my deadly coughs. I used to have them most of the time, but this is only the second time since I’ve moved to Seattle. I used to be accustomed all the coughing and pain and restricted breathing. Now that I’m not it’s a lot harder to tolerate. ZiB

Still sick. Different from yesterday, both better and worse. Shanda is sick today today, which makes it harder. I was doing okay this afternoon but had to go out and see a physician and get a prescription which too forever and made me feel terrible. Shanda was pushing me away until late in the day because her brain imagines that not thinking about being sick will somehow let her avoid it, when in reality it just exacerbates the issue. We did get to talk for a minute about topics that are often behind a couple layers of avoidance. Things like helping our friends stop fleeing and dating as shared activity…

Sick. No work. No write. No right-channel audio. And maybe an infection to boot. Not dying but can’t focus or relax (or breathe or sleep) and its not yet clear that tomorrow will be easier. ZiB

Went to a wedding today where I was invited to scare old people. It was pretty good. Got medium drunk and hung out with the staff, who complained about all weddings being identical and boring. Both photographers talked to Shanda about her head colors and asked if I did face painting. They clearly haven’t seen my crayon work. Shanda felt really good about being able to do an event with me. We did a city do last weekend and a wedding this weekend and you liked both. The common factor is either that you’ve found a way to help keep me on your side when we’re out, or that there…

Closed out the week without doing any SR work. Had a meeting about BZ that will make my boss more calm. Not looking forward to the queue next week but I’m glad to have had a few weeks off – it has been rare in this job to ever feel like I get time to step away from SRs even when we rotate the queue. No robots today, as there were no classes. I used the time to see C and get some work done on the studio. Pulled the ancient and failing Radeon 5870 out of my old desktop and went down to one monitor. Cleaned up all the…

This week in therapy I poked at the way I believe the world is not safe. It’s apparently a belief I need to reframe to feel like a human. I don’t know how that’s supposed to work though, because I checked and it isn’t. “You can’t be abandoned as an adult” is a thing privileged people yell when they’re ignoring all the people our world abandons. But I did some LI work and poked at a feel I had earlier. I was super ashamed when I talked to DerbyK about suppressing vomiting, and you basically didn’t believe it was possible to exert significant control. But I know it is, because…

It’s been a while since I watched the first 3 seasons of Veronica Mars. Probably a decade – I watched some of it with Ben back in Ankeny. It started as a CW show, though it never fit the model very well; it’s a neo-noir about a hard-boiled private detective, which is not exactly the teen drama wheelhouse. But they cast Kristen Bell and told us she was in high school and we just dealt with it. They got her out of high school for season 2, which was an improvement, but they also did a decent job keeping the setting from limiting the show – a lot of it…