I heard this the other day, and it gave me porch twin feels: https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/b1t0iv/ When I do LI work in practice I imagine someone eventually helping me, after whatever bullshit I’m crying about happened. Someone helping me feel better instead of worse after I was hurt. And it helps some. I lets me be less afraid and ashamed. I lets me tell a story about how what happened to me was wrong and not my fault. But my brain still wants someone to save me. Still wants someone who actually cares to show up and take me away, like in this fairie tale-like Reddit post where eventually the poster is…

Felt like shit this morning and stayed in bed until noon. But I actually told the day job about it, which is new for me. Usually I hide my infirmity like a prey animal and try to make up for it before anyone notices. Felt relatively better in the afternoon but I’m still not doing great. Took Dog for cleaning today. He would be a super willing kidnapping victim – he’ll jump into any open car door and find a place to sit where he can put his head a people height. It’s adorable but a bit much when you’re standing in the street fighting with the computer on a…

Talked with @BPS about art as messaging, about mail art, about art as the public edifice of a private exchange. I’ve been doing a bit of mail art, but hadn’t ever really considered it as a thing. But of course it is: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mail_art @BPS also specifically called out “100 Boots” from Eleanor Antin 1http://blogs.getty.edu/pacificstandardtime/explore-the-era/worksofart/100-boots/. Heard from Dave today. Got a pic even. He said something about being ravaged by time and high energy electromagnetism. So I reiterated my longstanding position on chemical hats 2Next we’ll both not talk directly to the other for like 6 weeks before exchanging another two lines. I’ll be back from Canada by then so we…

Talked at DerbyK about sandbars and boating and summer fun. About how it’s hard for me to imagine what a good version of the things looks like. Sometimes you’re afraid, like a normal human, when you can see the natural power of the situation. But for me it’s always about the human danger. I’ve been abandoned on sandbars in the Mississippi. I’ve had to choose between being abandoned and being dragged on a line behind a boat. Even when I worried about drowning it was about being trapped by the dam and not the river in general. And so I react to your summer fun pics like they are an…

I got an unsolicited phone call that made me smile. The mere existence of the call was shiny news for me, and the content was even better. I know on your end the event was less than ideal, and I will help you make changes if it doesn’t immediately improve. I’m so proud of you for all the parts. For deciding to try, for changing your schedule to make it happen, for sharing it with me when you did, for planning to go back. I never expect a call from anyone, and certainly not one that I like. It made my week. Thank you. Made progress on my BZ project…

I’m gonna try one of these where I film in the dark and speak with a breathy voice and broken rhythm about how I’m in too much pain to do anything else. My head hurts. It’s been getting worse for 4 hours. Even after I’ve laid in the dark, and had some ice water, and relaxed in the cool air, and medicated the pain. I hope that tomorrow will find me in better condition, but sleep is hard to find while my skull thrums and pulses. It’s better in the dark though, so I’ll go back there. I’ll listen to Dog and Shanda snore next to me, fading in and…

Yet another early departure for the Screed. It’s still my intent to have these default to going instead if default to stopping, but I am a little annoyed I didn’t get to pick a title. I did need a break though, since I was just about to write about Dog barking less and he was currently barking at me. Getting up to deal with him is why I hit send. One of the changes I got out of my recent diverted attention was more engagement with taking care if Dog. It has been a challenge for Shanda to work with me on this, particularly since I went to Cleveland. Not…

Finished S4 of Better Call Saul. In theory there’s a S5 coming next year. For just a minute KW and Jimmy are on the same page about heists and they are glorious together. But then he hits a spot where people around him claim to want sincerity but actually want him to lie, where he is punished for following the rules. And so he decides to tell them the lie they want. To be the person they insist he should be. That Chuck always was, though he couldn’t admit it. KW goes for the lie too. She wants it to be true. She sees how there was a point where…

Therapy this week was mostly a rapid fire series of LI exercises 1We also talked for a minute about about the concept of feeling safe. Which I continue to not understand. They kept saying something about how safety was internal, but that makes no sense to me. I know for a fact that I will die without external help. And I feel pretty safe about my ability to manage the bits of myself that I can do alone. Even a … Continue reading. Just going through from birth to present trying to line up all the feels from the different events in my prompts. Skipping the bit about explicitly tying a…