Watched the finale of Veep (HBO) S07E07 “Veep”. It includes such gems as “Right now, every Sunday pundit and poli-sci major is treating this brokered convention like it’s a big-titted college gymnast whose daddy fucked with her just enough that she’ll do some dirty shit, but she can still cum.” I expected that she’d wind up back as Veep, so the series could punish her ambition with some manufactured symmetry. But it was one step better and saw her get what she wanted but actually regret being alone — even just for one second — after pushing away everyone who could put up with her. It showed her daughter not…

Today was more work than I had hoped. More stress than was useful to me. It got better eventually, but I was pretty unhappy in the middle. And I only got like half of what I wanted done. My research SR blew up over the weekend. The submitter announced a talk at Blackhat about the issue. Except not really, since what they described to us is significantly different than what is described in the talk summary. The talk isn’t until August so it might be a while before I know what they actually found, if anything. I’m not too attached to the actual vulnerability but I got roped into the…

I intended to write today but life happened. I’m still gonna do the 10 minute version though, so I don’t feel like I’m behind tomorrow. These are easier daily and I am allowed to revisit things that still have my attention. M talked to me a bunch today. Interactively and about feels and carrying a topic from yesterday. It’s sort of a big change. I have only half processed it, but it really made me feel good. And hopeful. I am slightly worried that saying so will apply pressure that makes it seem less safe, and that I won’t ever get more, but I’m gonna risk it because I’m happy…

This feels hard to get going. It has already been too long, which fights against my process, and I’ve been tired, which makes delay seem desirable. It’s often tricky to continue after I write a feel that takes more than a day, or more than a Screed. I try to remember iteration is the goal, but even that can seem too big. Let’s see what we I can do though, before I’m off to sleep, so that tomorrow I’m at least moving again. The day job went okay last week. I’m down to two SRs, and only one of those is a hassle. I’m on the queue again next week…

Did therapy on Wednesday. As you saw I spent the week sort of trying to fit my feels into a situation I could address with LI. I did not find that feel before we my session but I did get there eventually and then did therapy at it 1If you’re in therapy dealing with trauma and you haven’t talked about EMDR or LI or some other ego state integration process, do. It’s low risk and widely effective for many types of trauma, and it works quickly. It’s also very methodical – you can pick a feeling and sort of just turn the crank to make it go. Not that … Continue…

Made my morning meeting. I wasn’t sure that was going to happen when I went to sleep last night, but it worked out fine. Skipped the noon meeting but I’m okay with only doing one team meeting per day, and I wanted a minute to see Shanda before she left. Got my email and whatnot done, and there were no new SRs another than the one I sent up yesterday. No meetings at all tomorrow, which is always great. I might connect to the brownbag at noon for extra credit but that likely won’t require that I come off mute. I had a hard time getting to SR work this…

Did no SR work today. Also nothing new in the queue, though I did refer a bug so I’m sure that will pop up tomorrow or Wednesday. Got good work done on other bits though – release notes and KI data and email and whatnot are all up to date. And I got to my meetings. So I’m gonna call it a win even though I only did some of the bits. Gym’d today. My back is doing pretty well, if a bit weak. But it was easy enough to do all the work I wanted to without risk of reinjury. E payed attention to me and made me uncomfortable,…

The house is back to normal population levels today. Which is both a direct relief for me and likely to improve Shanda’s mood. And hopefully it will make Dog stop hiding in the basement. He’s been sleeping down there in the old office and trying hard not to notice anything – he doesn’t respond to people moving around or to calls. Maybe he and I can both get some normal sleep again. D&D today with C. Made a super bad impression on the town leadership. Then ruined their road while showing off. But they did like us murdering dragons and goblins for them. And I got a Tumor Familar in…

A bit of required reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPOZzYlxh04&t=10m0s From the 10 minute mark, to about the 18 minutes where he starts to talk a out the next topic – grounding. If you identify with complex trauma or CPTSD symptoms I would recommend you watch the rest 1You can still skip the first 10 minutes – it’s not very relevant if you haven’t watched the last 7 videos. If you do watch the rest be prepared for a bit of corporate schilling for his religious employer, including a line of product placement and a prayer at the very end. You might note the way he distinguishes between … Continue reading too, but at least…

Sick today. Starting early in the morning. Stayed in bed until afternoon, and most of the time in lights out mode, though it was difficult to sleep with everyone around. Felt better in the afternoon but still not great. It kept me from doing any work and would have kept me from robots if there was a meeting. I did go out with Shanda and pals in the evening, though. We went out to supper, where I sort of ate, and then sat around for a couple of hours waiting for a laser show. Eventually I ditched and went home so I could sit someplace quiet and be tired on…