The Calculating Stars talks about being triggered – about anxiety in general – in a way old white ladies can understand. Probably that’s what it does about oppression too – tells old white ladies that it exists. Relates a version they might be able to see to other versions (for better and worse). Assuming that PoV also makes some sense of the tedious and somewhat ashamed descriptions of sex 1I always feel bad when people are too exited about boring sex. I mean, most sex is good enough to be worth having, but this book brags at me about the concept of long-established romantic partners banging twice in one week,…

I’ve been listening to Calculating the Stars (Mary Robinette Kowal). It’s solid, crunchy scifi. It likes to talk about flying. It’s about anxiety, and actually has things to say about it. It’s sort of about systematic oppression but it feels pretty lightweight – there is real pain described but it’s observed from a place of some privilege. There are support systems in place that often allow the protagonist to disengage when she’s overwhelmed, and to not greatly suffer for that loss of control. And some of the oppression is presented second hand, when the protagonist is made to notice. It’s a good book though, and I’m probably being hard on…

Had a new D&D game with C as GM on Sunday. The group is a little small but the game was good fun. In many ways better than our regular game. But I can’t have one of these in my house every Sunday. I’m saved by the holiday this weekend but eventually we need a better plan. V made me feel very important today and last night. I know you had a tough day, but I think also a good one. A step further from your fear and closer to your goals. Good for you. And thank for letting me be involved. If I wrote an anxiety index would it…

Here’s a thing you should do with me – wear a piece of clothing that your brain says isn’t for you or isn’t for the situation. Something you own but don’t wear, or only wear on specific occasions. Something that’s too for you to be quite comfortable wearing in daily life. It will be slightly scarey. Choose to wear it anyway, not in spite of your fear but because of it. Maybe that green dress you love but never wear. Share with me the feels of trying a new costume for day. And send pictures, if you’re up for it. For reals. All of you. It’s a dress-up day and…

Last time I bought extracts I had the vendor rank them by what he called “active-ness” and what I would call “anxiety”. I got one in the middle and one way off on the left end — something so THC-A heavy it’s a little silly. It’s probably mostly useful for mixing but I tried some straight on Friday. It’s good, but you really do have to be ready to burn off some of the twitch it brings. I used it to walk the dog and imagine new ways to worry about people, which I think went pretty well. I had expected to do that early on Friday, maybe 3 or…

Shanda had lots of therapy feels today. They still aren’t out yet. Something about feeling validated by C-PTSD descriptions but simultaneously motivated to deny your own pain. One of those things all victims of trauma say, about how theirs doesn’t count because someone theoretically had it worse. We’ll see how that feeling shakes out as you process it. But for now known that I see it’s hard, and I think it’s fine for you to have this feeling and that it will be okay. I also know, from painful experience, that there is no such thing as a better or worse trauma. There’s trauma that was singular and trauma that…

Penelope died today. M’s first pet, or at least the first one in your own home. A long overdue friend in a life that had kept you so isolated. And for a while my pet too, just a couple of months after Dog became my first furry friend. A tiny fuzzball to hold while I was away from Dog, while he was lost in the woods on the other side of the country. Penny was a rodent of special magnificence, at least to us. I know she was a catalyst for your healing and invested with so much of your care and attention. Everyone loves their pets of course, but…

I expected Skyward (Brandon Sanderson) to be good, and it was recommended by @ViHart, but it still surprised me. It’s about the oppression of young people and the systems we build to allow it. To require it. It’s about how oppression hurts people on both sides of the line, albeit in different ways. It’s about the programming we use to create these differences and the way enforcement punishes non-compliance instead of promoting justice. It’s about the definition of humanity, of free will, and of cowardice. It’s about the pain and power of tradition. It’s got a central metaphor about geology and freedom and isolation (which fits both my Jemisin mood…

I made plans with C from D&D, to help with their robot. They’ve got to program a kit for some class they’re in. I was imagining having Friday off this weekend, or maybe going in to the office to label all my stuff for the weekend move. But we’ll give this a shot instead. C seems nice enough and robots is what I usually do on Fridays, so it will probably be fine. Saw DerbyK feeling angry and scared and frustrated about their civil court involvement. Which is the correct response to almost any civil court case, and definitely what you’d expect here. Your adversary is using the court system…

Played D&D today. Well, mostly had the GM whine about the non-currency wealth system he wants to use in their game. It’s bad enough that Shanda flat out refuses to care how it works. I technically know, at least in many instances, but I wholeheartedly agree that it makes no sense and isn’t worth having. And philosophize about how strict adherence to labour relationships makes “capitalism” work in their murder-hobo-driven economy. I mean, I’m all for ending wage theft, but I don’t think capitalists would be. Although if we made murder-hobo a real job there probably wouldn’t be a lot of real capitalists left. They made it difficult to obtain…