I sent a picture here earlier this week. One where I was the intentional subject and you could see my face and I forced that face to not adopt the expression that happens automatically in pictures wherein I try to be submissive and disengaging. That’s new for me. It still feels a lot like subjecting people to my physical presence§§, but I’m trying to believe that JPEGs don’t actually hurt people who receive them, at least not in the way I imagine*. Saturday went better than expected, but it was sometimes very taxing. There was talking but it was hard, and there wasn’t much leeway between talking and crying. But…

It’s starting to have been a long time since Shanda and I have been able to relate easily, and I’m not sure it’s going to get better until at least the middle of next week. She’s been sick and before that I was disregulated; we’re both mostly better but still not better together. And we’re scheduled to continue. Shanda feels too busy with work today to even take a proper lunch, then B is coming over and staying the night. Tomorrow we’re going directly from B to a party with Eed, and Sunday we’ve got D&D and likely the usual back-to-work anxiety from Shanda in the evening. I’m off Monday…

Went in to the office today at noon, but somehow managed to not get any fried chicken. I did get a decent amount of work done though – down to one SR and some administrative work – so perhaps tomorrow I can finish my day job before the weekend and still get to robots* on time. Got the replacement solar panel up so we’re finally back to normal blind operations. Still missing the valances but between the solar panel and Shanda finding an upstairs home for her painting supplies the dining room table is slowly clearing. I might even get to the window film today. Someone came to look at…

Skipped my noon meeting today. I don’t want them to get used to me showing up too regularly. It might lead to dependency. That and I was expecting Shanda to be available during the time slot, though she ended up delaying long enough that I could have done both. Ben is taking the charity idea somewhat seriously. He bounded right in to imagining it as a multi-donor thing, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I suspect he’s worried about it not being real* or not doing enough work for it to count as a job. He gets a lot of pressure to ignore his needs and work 40…

I was up far too late last night not sleeping, but I did manage to get off the sugar coma plan. I tried Sunday night but it didn’t take. This morning was rough for the lack of sleep but I did make it to the office early and went to all my meetings. And then I rushed home to zone out for a while, but I think it’s still moving toward balance. Made some progress in the SR backlog, enough to feel like I might be able to crawl out from under it still this week. A bunch of them could be reduced to yes/no questions I could make someone…

I’m not super excited to be reminded that it’s only Monday. I think that’s as much about how I associate robots with being done for the week than about how today went, but I’d still rather it was Friday. Didn’t get anyone to talk to me about windows today, though I did only reach out to a few — didn’t get to the bulk of it until I was on the bus this afternoon. Window repair feels like a thing that should regularly accommodate same/next day service, but no one seems to be set up for it. I keep thinking there’s a market to be had in tech integration services…

Watched Fast Girls (2012). You might guess from the poster that it’s an attempt to capitalize on the 2012 Olympics with a movie about young women doing sport in London. It definitely is. It came to us through the Dominique Tipper collection, and while her character exists only as the answer to question “there are 4 runners in a relay?!?” her majestic moused-up muskrat mane is amazing as always. The movie is only worth watching if you want to play the tropes*** – it executes them well in what Shanda deemed “a tight 90” before literally ending on a nationalism-background cast photo freeze-frame. It’s a shame though, that they didn’t…

Today was complicated and slow. There was illness and denial and crying and ramen and the death of a duck. It kept me from work* and even from the first half of robots. It was a process stalled for months so it took quite a push to get it rolling. But eventually I think it was good. Shanda discovered a new form of control she wants to exert in her life, and I’m enormously relieved that she wants to share the responsibility. That control being the negotiation of roles in relationships, as opposed to passive acceptance of the other person’s assignments. A topic complicated enough that many people are happy…

Endurance. We’re told it’s a virtue, but I find more and more it’s just the label we give burdens when no one wants to share them. It’s certainly been a problem for me. I have learned to endure things that are really quite bad for me. Last night walking up the hill, without Shanda to provide a sane pace or social distraction, I worked hard enough to feel terrible, to turn my body against me because I couldn’t be bothered to care it was slightly dying. Which is insane because no one (including me) cared when I got home, and the dog didn’t even want to come. But still I…

Rev has finally decided that he can use the back couch. It’s real cute. When he walks on the riser his head is at lower couch people head height which he likes a lot, particularly for tug. And then he lays on the back couch and stares at us with his chin down. I’m so happy he’s comfortable in the theater room. Not going to the office today. The perf bug dupe seems to be holding so I might actually get to an SR for the first time in 2 weeks. I’ve got to go in tomorrow for a couple of hours, but hopefully for the last time this week,…